


Haruka & Michiru

by VanBeezie263



Category: Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon | Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon
Genre: F/F, Humor, Movie References, Outer Senshi Family, Post Sailor Stars
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-14
Updated: 2015-09-10
Packaged: 2018-03-30 12:51:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 29,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3937435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VanBeezie263/pseuds/VanBeezie263
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of short stories focusing on the relationship between the Wind Senshi and the Sea Senshi, as well as their dysfunctional-ish family consisting of a hyperactive ten year old and a socially awkward time goddess.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Trading Places

**Author's Note:**

> Haruka tries to persuade Michiru to switch sides of their bed.

Haruka flicked off the light of the bathroom that adjoins the bedroom which she shares with her girlfriend, Michiru who is sitting up on their king-sized bed reading a sea themed romance novel. Haruka leisurely walks to her side of the bed where she picks up her pair of dark blue jeans from the floor which she earlier carelessly tossed to take a shower, she delicately folds the article of clothing before scrunching it up into a ball and throwing it down onto the long ottoman at the foot of the bed.

“Michi?” Haruka stood with her hands in the pockets of her navy blue bathrobe that she is wearing over a white v-neck shirt and blue fannel pyjama bottoms.

Michiru averts her attention from her book and onto the tall, sandy haired blonde, “Yes.”

“Good, just checking. I do not like getting into bed with strangers.” Haruka’s teasing remark prompts the violinist to giggle prior to resume reading her book.

“Would you mind switching sides?” Haruka proposed.

“Normally I would not, except after the last couple of times I will say you are barking up the wrong tree.” Michiru replied.

“How so?” Haruka asked.

Michiru lowers her book, “Every time I sleep on your side of the bed I either get covered in chocolate or I wake up with a sore shoulder because apparently your side is lumpier for some bizarre reason.” Haruka sighed and conceded defeat since she knew she could not best Michiru in an argument, the pianist slides under the covers and wrestles off her bathrobe which she tosses onto the ottoman.

“Why do you always take off your robe when you are in bed?” Michiru asked out of curiosity.

“Force of habit.” Haruka picks up the motorsports magazine on her nightstand and flicks through the pages.

“Hotaru wants a pet.” Michiru mentioned.

“She is ten years old; I think she is responsible enough.” Haruka drools over a picture of a Ferrari LaFerrari in her magazine.

“Did you have a pet when you were younger?” Michiru asked.

“I had a pet rock when I was five.” Haruka answered.

“Why does that not surprise me?” Michiru said with an amused smirk.

“However, I got frustrated with it after it wouldn’t learn any tricks so I threw it through my neighbour’s window.” Haruka added.

“Again, why does that not surprise me?” Michiru said in exasperation.

Haruka places her magazine on her nightstand, “When I was eight we got a dog, he was a golden retriever. He was called Whizz; I thought he was named that because he ran really fast.” Michiru places her hand on Haruka’s arm. “Later my aunt told me he was called Whizz because that was what he liked to do on the carpet.” Haruka chuckled causing Michiru to remove her hand off Haruka’s arm in disgust.

“How about you, did you have any pets?” Haruka then asked.

“Just fish.” Michiru replied.

“Can we switch sides?” Haruka said abruptly.

Michiru rests her book on her lap, “Why do you have this sudden interest in my side of the bed?”

“Because it is nice and soft, like you.” Haruka said whilst running her hand through Michiru’s aquamarine curls.

Michiru stares tenderly at Haruka before suddenly grabbing the race car driver’s hand, “Cut the crap.”

“Fine, I want to switch sides because of the draft from the window.” Haruka said with crossed arms in a huff.

“Then close the window, it is not rocket science.” Michiru picks up her book and continues reading.

“You know I like to sleep with the window open so I don’t wake up all hot and sweaty.” Haruka countered, “So do you wanna switch sides?”

“I already explained it to you earlier, no.” Michiru stated. Haruka quietly sulks before noticing the Rubik’s Cube that Ami got her for her birthday; she picks up the toy from her nightstand and starts playing with it.

“Turn you hunk of junk!” Haruka is furiously twisting the Rubik’s Cube.

“Careful Ruka, otherwise you will break it.” Michiru calmly advised until Haruka accidentally snaps the toy in half.

“You stupid piece of crap!” Haruka throws the pieces of toy into the bathroom where the couple hears the sound of glass smashing.

“I will clean that up in the morning.” Haruka reassured with a nervous grin which Michiru rolls her eyes at.

“Hey Michi.” Haruka whispered.

“What is it?” Michiru said softly.

“Wanna switch sides?” Haruka said with a cocky smirk.

“If you are that bothered by the draft then close the drapes.” Michiru said unamused which leads the tall blonde to slide out of bed and walk lethargically over to the window where she grabs the drapes when she observes an ambulance speeding down the street.

“He is not going to sell any ice cream going at that speed.” Haruka joked prompting Michiru to giggle prior to the pianist closing the drapes and sliding back under the covers.

“I can still feel a draft.” Haruka said in frustration.

“Put on a sweatshirt, if you get too hot you can just take it off.” Michiru suggested.

“Oh yeah!” Haruka realized.

“Ruka, you baka.” Michiru sighed.


	2. Clothes Shopping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whilst shopping for clothes with Michiru, Haruka encounters an obnoxious shopper.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Italics indicate Haruka's POV.

Scroll.

_Why is Usagi always posting pictures of her food?_

Scroll.

_A picture of Rei asleep with a penis drawn on her forehead._

Scroll.

_A picture of Minako drawing a penis on Rei’s forehead._

“Load you blasted piece of plastic, I’ve seen snails move faster!” Haruka repeatedly taps the screen of her phone with her thumb in frustration until an error message is displayed on her screen. “No Wi-Fi connection, piss off!” Haruka’s remark earns her a distasteful look from one of the bargain shoppers, who she innocently grins at but the short yet robust woman just strides off with her nose in the air.

“Pleasure meeting you too.” The race car driver muttered sarcastically under her breath before shoving her phone in the inside breast pocket of her black, leather racing jacket. “Ugh, this suuuucks!” Haruka leans back on the cushioned bench and rests on her elbows whilst she glances around the designer shoe store, however her attention is soon focused on the young man who is advancing towards her position. He is fairly tall but is still shorter than the sandy haired blonde and Makoto even, his hair is medium-length, wavy and jet black, he is sporting trendy thick-rimmed glasses and he is wearing khaki cargo shorts along with a pair of black converse sneakers also a forest green t-shirt with some ridiculous slogan printed across it that Haruka rolls her eyes at.

_Hoo-ray! A random stranger to have an idle conversation with…not!_

The young man takes a seat just a couple of inches away from Haruka who shifts the horde of shopping bags on the floor and between her feet which the man observes.

_Maybe he is not the talkative type._

“Let me guess, you have been dragged here by the missus?” The trendy man assumed.

_Fuck...Aww, screw it._

“That obvious, huh?” Haruka smirked.

“Orochi.”

“Haruka.”

The two exchange a friendly handshake.

_Has he heard of moisturizer? It feels like he is wearing leather gloves._

“My fiancée begged me to take her out shopping since she doesn’t drive, I obliged but on only one condition.” Orochi said oozing with confidence.

“I am going to regret this.” Haruka grumbled prior to asking, “On what condition would that be?”

Orochi swiftly scans around the store before leaning towards the pianist’s ear.

_Leathery skin and bad breath, what is he a crocodile?_

“She has to go down on me later.” He whispered followed by him sniggering while Haruka looks at him unimpressed.

“I hope she is a biter.” Haruka commented in a lowered voice.

“What does your girlfriend give you for this nonsense?” Orochi asked out of curiosity prompting Haruka to raise an eyebrow.

_Nonsense. Scuse me Lenny Leatherhands but spending time with Michi is not nonsense but nevertheless I will humor this clown._

“Her love and companionship.” Haruka replied bluntly.

_Shit. I hope I didn’t make her sound like a dog!_

“Seriously, not even some hand action?” Orochi said skeptically.

_Buddy, you are cruising for a bruising._

“I may not particularly enjoy shopping; I do however love shopping with her. Plus there are a few things I love doing that she does not but she still does them because she loves me and she knows that I will do the same.” Haruka explained.

“Sounds like you’re whipped.” Orochi remarked.

_Sounds like you could use a good whipping, followed by a few swift kicks in the groin._

“So who of these fine pieces of tail would you do?” Orochi waves his arm around highlighting the female shoppers.

“Excuse me?” Haruka asked unamused.

“There is nothing wrong about getting some strange once in a while.” Orochi winked.

_He is a real class act._

“I got some last week, funny enough with the red head over at the cashier.” Orochi nods his head towards the young store assistant serving a customer.

_Her standards must be lower James Earl Jones’ voice._

“Here is some proof.” Orochi pulls out a piece of folded notepad paper that he then hands to Haruka.

 

**Orochi,**

**Last night was fun, next time you are free give me a call and we can have some more wild and steamy nights of lust.**

**\- Akane X**

**P.S. I usually finish work at dusk.**

 

_Dusk? Who the fuck talks like that?_

Orochi abruptly elbows Haruka in her side to gain her attention, “I think I found a winner.”

_It better not be…_

“Check out that hot number over there.” Orochi perceives the aquamarine haired siren who is browsing the variety of shoes.

_Too far Orochi. Too far._

“I wonder if she came alone.” Orochi raises a sly eyebrow causing Haruka to clench her fist; however she realizes she still has the piece of paper. Haruka glances over at the brawny security guard stationed at the entrance by the anti-theft alarms; she then swiftly swipes a security tag off a pair of sunglasses and attaches the tag to the piece of paper that she carefully places in the shorts pocket of Orochi who is none the wiser since he is preoccupied with ogling at Michiru.

_You mess with the bull, and you get the horns._

“You didn’t come alone, perhaps you should go and find your fiancée before one of these lovely women‘s lovers give you a ride across Tokyo in an ambulance.” Haruka warned through gritted teeth.

“Whoa. I am sensing a little hostility.” Orochi raises his hands defensively.

“What do you expect? You treat women like objects to satisfy your sleazy and pathetic needs and then you have the audacity to gloat about it to people you hardly know. Do you know what the icing on the cake is…oh yeah, you are engaged and you are out shopping with her yet you take her to a store where you had a one night stand with one of the employees and you go around scoping for new targets. I apologize for the hostility. Rant over!” Haruka turns her head away infuriated and rests her chin on her clenched fist.

“What is your deal? We are just talking.” Orochi retorted.

“My deal? You know the outrageously beautiful woman you keep eyeing up like she is a piece of meat, she is my girlfriend.” Haruka stated prompting beads of sweat to roll down Orochi‘s face.

_Looks like the face I pulled when Hotaru asked me where babies come from._

“Oh, I do apologize.” Orochi trembled but Haruka just stares daggers at him.

_Bullshit!_

“Cut the crap. If I were you I would find my fiancée and leave before you feel the wrath of an angry…yet handsome woman!” Haruka shoves Orochi’s shopping bags onto his lap encouraging him to shoot up from his seat.

_Not as dramatic compared to “Luke, I am your father!”_

“You’re a woman?” Orochi said awestruck when suddenly Haruka furiously yanks him down so they are facing each other.

“If my girlfriend or any of my friends for that matter happen to mention your name I will hunt you down and I will cut off whatever poor excuse of genitalia you are hiding behind a pair of SpongeBob SquarePants underwear with a rusty bread knife!” Haruka threatened whilst she glared intensely at the petrified man; afterwards she shoves him away and watches as he bolts off to find his fiancée.

_Aww, I should have recorded it on my phone so I could show it to Minako later._

Haruka straightens out the collar of her jacket in victory before the sound of the security alarm going off leads her to observe the guard pulling out the security tag from Orochi’s shorts along with the piece of paper.

_Now showing in theatres, My Fiancé is a Douchebag._

“I assume you are Akane.” The guard hands the note to Orochi’s fiancée who inspects the piece of paper.

“You crafty little shit!” She said in disgust followed by her ripping up the piece of paper and punching her ex-fiancé in the nose.

_Aww, snap!_

“Enjoy being a bachelor, you asshole!” The young woman storms out of the store leaving Orochi laying on the floor with a broken nose.

_Courtesy of your friendly neighbourhood, Haruka Tenoh!_

“Sorry to keep you waiting Ruka.” Michiru catches the tall blonde off guard.

_Jeez, she really needs to wear a bell._

“No apologies are necessary; did you get yourself a pair of funky new boots?” Haruka asked in a teasing manner. Michiru giggles and holds up a shopping bag to clarify, the couple then approach the exit of the store where Haruka assists Michiru as they step over Orochi who is still lying on the floor.

“We don’t want you stepping in trash now, do we?” Haruka joked.

“What exactly happened to him?” Michiru asked with a dubious smirk.

_His personality._

“I will tell you about it tonight…at dinner.” Haruka replied suavely.

_Man, I’m good._

“Smooth.” Michiru playfully teased.


	3. Dinner Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michiru organises a dinner party at the Outer Senshi house for Usagi and the girls.

It is anything but quiet at the Outers’ Empire Victorian house mainly because they are hosting ‘an elegant dinner party’ as the Sea Senshi simply described it, even though she was hesitant at first but she could not disappoint a particular bun head who desperately begged her since she and her fellow Inners have not yet been to the Outer guardians’ home, as a result the violinist is currently designated to the kitchen where she is giving the word multi-tasking a whole new meaning. The Inners arrive in two hours and the aquanette is whizzing from counter to counter like a whirlwind given that she has to juggle preparing both dinner and dessert, not to mention the party snacks for later on in the evening. Michiru momentarily glances up at the novelty rooster wall clock before wiping the stray patches of flour off her delicate hands and onto the pink frilly apron she is adorning.

Afterwards she commences with peeling the apples for the dessert whilst she revises the handwritten recipes that Makoto had supplied her, however she is shortly caught off guard by a pair of familiar strong arms wrapping around her waist from behind.

“Only on rare occasions is it possible for me to startle you, you must be in deep concentration.” The Wind Senshi cooed in the smaller woman’s ear.

“What do you expect, I have got two hours to peel a dozen apples and I have got two pots of chickens to attend to also there is the small matter of getting washed and dressed.” Haruka could sense the frustration in the painter’s voice.

“Is there anything I can assist you with?” The race car driver gives Michiru a light squeeze.

“As a matter of fact there is something you can do; you can chop the vegetables that are occupying the chopping board.” Michiru’s request prompts the tall blonde to gaze over her shoulder and perceive the wooden chopping board on the black quartz countertop behind her accompanied by a large quantity of fresh mushrooms, red onions and garlic.

“Hooray.” Haruka whimpered sarcastically prior to pulling out a transparent plastic package from one of the various counters drawers.

“You have still not yet worn that.” Michiru observes her girlfriend as she tears through the packaging like a lion at a zoo during feeding time; Haruka disposes of the plastic wrapping into the stainless steel trash can and sports the article of clothing in question which is a black apron with the Batman costume on the front.

“I’M BATMAN!” Haruka said in a deep and low voice as she assumes a heroic stance with her hands on her hips which leads the aquanette to giggle before resuming to peeling the apples.

The couple are suddenly interrupted by the entrance of a certain black haired ten year old girl who is about to open the twin doors of the tall black refrigerator when the aquanette clears her throat to get the young girl’s attention.

“What do you suppose you are doing?” Michiru raises an eyebrow in suspicion.

“I am getting a snack.” Hotaru replied with apprehension.

“You had a snack about ten minutes ago; you do not want to spoil your appetite for dinner.” The violinist recommended.

“Here, you can have an onion.” Haruka holds out the vegetable towards Hotaru who stares at the sandy haired woman unimpressed before the car enthusiast continues chopping the vegetables with a large knife which catches Michiru’s attention.

“Haruka, why are you using a meat cleaver?” Michiru inquired.

“It gets the chopping done in half the time.” Haruka winked.

“I suppose there is method to your madness.” Michiru said in a teasing manner.

 _“Chop, chop, chop, chop, chopping. Dice, dice, dice, dice, dicing. We’re cooking up a rainbow today!”_ The pianist sang in a deep and husky voice whilst she chopped the remaining vegetables, whereas Michiru and Hotaru smile at each other unbeknownst to the blonde. Haruka is about to dice an onion when a mischievous smirk emerges on her face, she peeks over her shoulder to see her girlfriend preoccupied with peeling the apples as she softly hums to herself; Haruka picks up the onion and looks over to her daughter who is nodding enthusiastically which is more than enough to encourage the Wind Senshi to casually dunk the whole onion into one of the pots.

“The veggies are chopped my lady.” Haruka slides half the vegetables off the chopping board into one pot before sliding the other half in the other pot, afterwards she washes off her hands in the sink next to Michiru who rewards her with a kiss on the cheek.

“Huh, I wonder what I would get if I cooked dinner.” Haruka turns to the aquanette and starts twirling a lock of the violinist’s hair with her index finger.

“Cook me dinner sometime and you will find out.” Michiru replied in a seductive tone.

“Maybe I will.” Haruka and Michiru gaze amorously into each other’s eyes; however their moment is abruptly ruined by Hotaru loudly clearing her throat to avoid being traumatised by her parents’ public display of affection towards one another.

“You are aware I am standing right here?” Hotaru gestures wildly to herself.

“How about you take a bath, Hime-chan?” Michiru suggested.

“I took one this morning.” The ten year old pointed out.

“Yes but you spent the afternoon playing basketball in the driveway with Haruka-papa.” Michiru countered.

“Exactly, you don’t want to scare away our dinner guests with your BO.” Haruka teased but the youngster is unamused.

“Go upstairs and Setsuna-mama will get you washed and dressed.” Michiru calmly instructed, Hotaru walks out of the kitchen with a pout while Haruka removes her apron and places it on a stool. “I am going to run to the liquor store to get the...well get the liquor.”

“Ask Setsuna for the coupons.” Michiru called out to the taller woman, “Nicely!” The Sea Senshi added.

Haruka lightly jogs up the stairs and strolls down to the end of the hallway into Setsuna’s bedroom where the time goddess is sitting at her computer whilst wearing a pair of reading glasses that are attached to a gold neck chain.

“Hey Sets, what are you doing?” Haruka buries her hands into her jeans pockets and leans her shoulder against the doorframe.

“Just catching up with my correspondents.” Setsuna’s eyes stay fixed on her computer screen.

“Correspondents? Weren’t you meant to be running Hotaru a bath?” Haruka questioned.

“She is in the bath as we speak.” Setsuna replied.

“You left our child unsupervised in the bathtub, and since when did you run her a bath? I practically followed Hotaru upstairs, did you abuse your powers just so you could exchange emails with a bunch of losers who probably live in their mother’s basement?” Haruka’s outburst causes Setsuna to swing around in her chair so she can face the pianist.

“First of all, Hotaru is ten years old and she is very responsible for someone her age also Michiru asked me earlier to run her a bath so I did ten minutes ago to let the water cool. Therefore I did not abuse my powers, and can I just point out that the so-called bunch of losers are actually important clients of my business.” Setsuna swings her chair back around and continues typing, whereas Haruka has a puzzled expression on her face.

“Business? You’re an Avon lady!” Haruka stated.

“Oh, shut up!” Setsuna said sternly.

“And what on earth are you wearing?” Haruka lightly tugs on the chain attached to Setsuna’s spectacles causing the Time Senshi to smack the race car driver’s hand away. “Get your mitts off.”

“Where did you buy those, at the post office?” Haruka chuckles to herself while Setsuna scowls at her computer screen. “Did you come in here just to mock me?”

“C’mon Sets, you know I am only messing with you. I actually came in here for some coupons that Michiru mentioned.” Haruka looks eagerly at the green haired woman.

“Fine.” Setsuna sighed before rummaging through her desk drawers; while Haruka is waiting she scans the bedroom until she comes across a tin of biscuits on the bookshelf.

“Aw sweet you have biscuits!” Haruka grabs the tin and prise off the lid but she is disappointed when she discovers the contents. “Buttons!”

“Yes, I use them for my sewing.” Setsuna is flipping through her coupon book, whereas Haruka shoves the tin back on the shelf. “Next you are going to tell me you have a drawer specifically for plastic bags.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.” Setsuna remarked followed by her biting her bottom lip. “Here are the coupons.” The time goddess hands the coupons to Haruka who inspects them.

“Alright, two for one on cans of Pringles!” Haruka said in excitement while Setsuna rolls her eyes.

* * *

 

Half an hour later Haruka arrives back from the liquor store with paper bags that contain the refreshments in each arm, she closes the front door by lightly kicking it behind her and she proceeds into the living room where Hotaru is jumping up and down on the two tone tan and dark brown sectional sofa wearing a lavender purple bathrobe.

“Haruka-papa!” Hotaru cheered as she lands and sits on the sofa. “What is in the bags, Papa Bear?”

“A couple bottles of soda and lemonade, two cans of Pringles and some alcohol.” Haruka replied.

“What is alcohol?” Hotaru then asked.

“It is something that only adults can drink. It makes your Michiru-mama horny, turns your Setsuna-mama into a mean drunk, causes your Aunt Minako to take nude selfies of herself and it makes your Aunt Usagi vomit like a fire hydrant.” Haruka said humorously.

“Cool!” Hotaru said with a huge grin. “Except I would have thought that Michiru-mama was the mean drunk.”

“What makes you say that?” Haruka raises an eyebrow and looks curiously at the youngster.

“She yelled at me and then she kicked me out of the kitchen.” Hotaru pouted.

“I am sure your Michiru-mama had a valid reason, what did you do?” Haruka assured.

“I might have got...erm...I...I sort of got flour all over Michiru-mama.” Hotaru smiles innocently at the tall woman who lets out a slight chuckle.

“That would do it, how about you help your Setsuna-mama pick out your outfit while I will make sure your Michiru-mama hasn’t blown a gasket?” Haruka’s suggestion persuades the ten year old to hop off the sofa and head upstairs while the car enthusiast carries the bags through the archway that leads into the kitchen where a flour covered Michiru is furiously rolling out pastry.

“Hey Michi, do you need a hand with anything?” Haruka said to soften the violinist’s mood.

“I appreciate the gesture Ruka but I have got everything under control. Well, apart from the earlier flour fiasco with Hotaru.”

“Yeah Hotaru told me about that, what was that all about anyway?” Haruka places the bags on one of the countertops and she flings her car keys into a small onyx bowl where she usually stores them.

“Just the usual. Hotaru again brought up the subject of her having a pet and again I said no, so of course she chucks half a bag of flour in my face.” Michiru unintentionally slams the rolling pin down on the counter and turns to face the taller woman with her arms crossed.

“Why don’t we just get her a pet?” Haruka shrugged.

“Not after all those tantrums she has been having lately.” Michiru replied.

“Maybe she wouldn’t have those tantrums if we got her a pet.” Haruka rubs the back of her neck and she gives the aquanette a sheepish grin causing Michiru to swiftly turn around and resume rolling the pastry. “Why is it whenever Hotaru needs disciplining it is left to either me or Setsuna, leading us to come across as the bad guys?”

“What? I can be strict with Hotaru.” Haruka said with confidence.

“I know that, you just do not do it as often as me or Sets.” Michiru stated.

“That is because you two are gritty and you have plenty of moxy.” The Wind Senshi stores the bottles of soda and lemonade in the refrigerator before putting away the two cans of Pringles into one of the cabinets.

“You make it sound like we deal with hardened criminals.” Michiru said amused.

“I tell you what, the next time Hotaru starts acting out I will...reprimand her.” Haruka said with her hands on her hips to act imposing.

“Reprimand her?”

“Do a Rei and chastise her?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Give her the belt?”

“Ruka!”

“Just kidding! I am going to take a shower and I will get dressed for dinner.” Haruka kisses Michiru on the cheek before heading out of the kitchen.

* * *

 

Meanwhile Hotaru and Setsuna are browsing through the dresses in the ten year old’s closet, however the time goddess is getting impatient since her daughter keeps dismissing every outfit she suggests.

“How about this one?” Setsuna holds out a purple, knee length, chiffon dress with spaghetti straps accompanied by a cardigan sweater in the same colour.

“I do not see the point of wearing a dress for some dinner party so we can show off to our friends.” Hotaru complained prompting Setsuna to throw down a stack of clothes onto the bed in frustration.

“Listen here young lady; I will not tolerate one of your tantrums while we are entertaining guests so if I were you I would wear the chiffon dress.” Setsuna said firmly.

“Yes, Ma’am.” Hotaru said with a shocked expression.

“Good.” The green haired fashionista hands the dress to the ten year old.

* * *

 

Haruka leisurely walks down the stairs wearing a black dress shirt tucked into a pair of black jeans along with a black leather belt that has a stainless steel Batman logo belt buckle, she is also sporting a pair of black dress shoes. The Wind Senshi stops and checks herself out in the mirror hanging on the wall at the bottom of the stairs before running her hands through her hair to give it her trademark windswept look.

“Right Said Fred is right; I am too sexy for my shirt.” Haruka admires herself in the mirror with a cocky smirk and she pulls off a series of flirty poses before she perceives the statuesque figure standing at the top of the stairs, Michiru commences descending the stairs wearing a simple yet elegant royal blue lace, cocktail dress and a pair of black high heels.

 _“Here she is. Miss Azabu-Juban, she’s so fine. Such lovely tits...”_ Haruka’s choice of lyrics astounds the aquanette as she walks down the stairs.

_"And a great behind. There she is, doggy style anytime. And I’ll do her behind, behind and behind.”_

“Haruka!” Michiru frantically whispered but to no avail since the pianist continues singing like a host of a beauty pageant.

_"Oh, there she is. She loves 69...”_

“HARUKA!” Michiru reaches the bottom of the staircase with an unimpressed look on her face. “What if Hotaru heard you? I do not want her going around singing about...anal sex!”

“You are right, I apologise but you really do look beautiful as always.” Haruka said earnestly.

“You are forgiven. However that does not mean I did not find your song entertaining.” The violinist said with a teasing smirk.

“There’s the seductive minx I met at the running track.” Haruka said whilst grinning like an idiot before Michiru saunters over to the closet under the stairs where she grabs a small navy blue gift bag that she then hands to the pianist, Haruka raises a suspicious eyebrow at her girlfriend before opening the bag to find a black and gold striped tie. “Thank you Michi, I love it.”

“Here, let me.” Michiru lifts up Haruka’s shirt collar and delicately ties the long piece of cloth around the taller woman’s neck, afterwards she lowers the collar and she studies the blonde. “Looking good.”

“Looking pretty darn good.” Haruka teased with a cocky smirk causing the Senshi of the Sea to giggle.

“I will dispose of the bag.” Michiru takes the gift bag and advances into the living room while Haruka strolls into the dining room where the table has already been set out with china plates, silverware and crystal wine glasses. “It needs a centrepiece.”

Haruka scurries out of the room and shortly afterwards re-enters carrying Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots that she subsequently places on the centre of the extended mahogany dining table. “Aces!”

“You do not seem to grasp the concept of an elegant dinner party.” A voice called out, Haruka turns around to see Setsuna standing in the doorway dressed in a dark green silk blouse and a long black skirt.

“I thought it could help stimulate dinner conversation.” Haruka said followed by the doorbell chiming.

“Let the games begin!” The Wind Senshi declared, after she walks in a fast pace to the front door and opens it to reveal Rei and Minako standing on the front porch, both are wearing cocktail dresses except in different colours with the priestess wearing red and the aspiring idol sporting orange.

“Welcome to Casa de Outer!” Haruka greeted, her attention is soon averted to Rei’s choice of vehicle that is parked in the large cobblestoned driveway. “An Audi Quattro?”

“My grandpa gave me his old car after I passed my driving test.” Rei explained.

“Are you telling me your wacky grandfather is legally able to drive?” Haruka said with scepticism.

“Can you hurry up? The cold night air is riding up my dress!” Minako urged whilst rubbing her arms encouraging Haruka to escort the pair inside and into the study where they take a seat on a brown leather couch while the pianist parks herself on a matching armchair.

“How are the others getting here?” Haruka inquired.

“Mako is driving Usagi and Ami in her Jeep.” Minako replied, she then observes the huge bookcases at the back of the room. “I bet you haven’t read any of those books.”

“Aha!” Haruka said with a smug grin.

“Not including Game of Thrones or Harry Potter.” Rei interjected.

“Oh...then no I have not.” Haruka slouches down in her chair and repeatedly taps the arm with her fingers, “Where the hell is Setsuna?”

“Right here you buffoon.” The green haired woman approaches the pair and they exchange hugs before sitting down on the couch.

“How has the Grandmother of Time been?” The long haired blonde said cheerfully.

“I beg your pardon?” Setsuna asked feeling offended.

“Haruka told me that was a new nickname you were going by.” Minako stated prompting Setsuna to stare at the race car driver with a lowered brow. “Did she now?”

“W-Would you ladies care for some drinks?” Haruka offered so to change the subject as she rises from her seat.

“May I have a glass of soda please?” Rei requested.

“One soda for the lady, how about you Chuckles?” Haruka looks expectantly at the goddess of love and beauty.

“I will have diet lemonade.” Minako smiles mischievously knowing full well how much the taller blonde loathes diet food products since she calls them pretentious.

“You will have normal lemonade, you dick.” Haruka strolls out of the study and into the adjoining dining room and after navigating around the dining table she enters the kitchen through the swing doors to perceive Michiru already pouring out the drinks.

“What the...why are...how did you know?” The pianist said dumbfounded whilst she opens the refrigerator and pulls out a bag of ice.

“It is probably due to my superhuman hearing and excellent situation awareness.” Michiru replied with coolness while Haruka dunks the ice cubes into the drinks as she marvels at the aquanette.

“I am just messing with you, Speed Racer. Setsuna sent me a text.” Michiru holds up her iPhone and smiles smugly at the taller woman.

“You know sometimes you two scare me.” Haruka places a red straw in the glass of soda along with a slice of lemon; afterwards she places an orange curly straw in the glass of lemonade in addition to a slice of lime. “That should shut them up.”

“You love them really.” The violinist commented as puts away the bag of ice back in the refrigerator.

“And FYI, I do not buy for one second that Sets texted you. There is one thing I do know and that is to never underestimate Michiru Kaioh.” Haruka stated before carrying the drinks into the study where she places them on the wooden coffee table in front of the couch.

“Why thank you, Jeeves!” Minako taunted followed by Haruka grumbling back to her seat.

“You even know how we like our drinks.” Rei said impressed.

“I am known to be very observant.” Haruka said proudly whilst she crosses her legs.

“Oh please, it is from all those times chatting up women in your bachelor days.” Setsuna corrected causing the Wind Senshi to shoot up from her seat. “Shh! Shut up you snitch, she will fucking hear you!”

“Hear what?” Michiru steps into the room with a curious look on her face.

“You are such a tattletale!” Haruka angrily whispered to the time goddess.

“Hey girl, give us a hug.” Rei playfully demanded the aquanette who embraces the shrine maiden before Minako squeezes her in a hug.

“I love your outfits.” Michiru complimented the two Inner Senshi to which Minako responds by blushing in a humorous manner.

“You are one to talk, where did you get your dress?” Rei admires the Sea Senshi’s attire.

“It is a gift from Haruka.” Michiru replied leading the long haired blonde to pull her to the side.

“Speaking of the blonde grump, has she been satisfying you...you know sexually?” Minako winks at the violinist who struggles to think of an answer, however the doorbell suddenly chimes.

“Oh thank god!” Michiru muttered in relief.

“I will get it.” Haruka walks past her girlfriend who links their arms. “Take me with you.”

The couple advance towards the front door and Haruka opens it to find Makoto wearing a emerald green cocktail dress with a black belt tied around the waist and she is comforting Usagi who is drying her eyes with a tissue whist wearing a pink frilly dress whereas Ami is wearing a cobalt long sleeved dress and has a small matching handbag strapped over her shoulder.

“What is up with Bun Head?” Haruka asked concerned.

“She thought we ran over a squirrel.” Makoto answered.

“That turned out to be a glove.” Ami added.

“After Usagi assumed it was a human hand.” The brunette said feeling embarrassed followed by Haruka and Michiru giving each other a sideway glance.

“You need to be careful Bun Head. Gloves come in pairs; the other might be hunting you down to seek revenge!” Haruka teased in a maniacal manner causing Usagi to cry loudly.

“Thank you for that.” Makoto muttered to the car enthusiast whilst the future queen sobs into the robust woman’s dress.

“Usagi please forgive Haruka, she has a habit of acting like an idiot.” Michiru said to calm the younger woman however she continues to wail like a banshee.

“Allow me.” Ami adjusts her glasses and she places her hands firmly on Usagi’s shoulders. “Usagi, you need to calm down. We did not run over a squirrel or a human hand, it was a glove. An article of clothing.”

“You are right, thanks Ami. I am sorry that I overreacted.” Usagi sniffles and smiles at the blue haired genius.

“I said calm down woman!” Ami abruptly shakes Usagi by the shoulders.

“Ami, she is calm. Will you stop that?” Makoto steps in between the two women and Usagi looks at Ami like a deer in headlights.

“What the hell was that about?” Haruka said in shock.

“Do not question my methods.” Ami warned followed by her entering the house and giving Michiru a hug while Haruka stands there looking at the bluenette with unease.

“Haruka, you are such a meanie. Mamo-chan told me that he did not receive an invitation.” Usagi puts her hands on her hips and pouts.

“That is because I did not invite him.” Haruka said bluntly causing the cry baby to gasp overdramatically.

“No offence was intended; we wanted it to be just us girls.”Michiru assured.

“Plus he would find the vagina to penis ratio a bit overwhelming.” Haruka joked as she led Usagi inside before being approached by Makoto and they welcome each other with a strong handshake which soon turns into an arm wrestling match.

“I have got all day Princess.” Haruka taunted.

“Look at all the fucks I give.” Makoto stares fiercely at the taller woman as both seem unlikely to accept defeat.

“We could be here for awhile.” Ami stated.

“Not while I have a dinner party to host.” Michiru fiddles with the back of her dress while the two are still wrestling.

“Don’t you have some nipples to shock?” The Wind Senshi mocked.

“Don’t you have some...blowjobs to give out?” The brunette said in a raised voice.

“Whoa!” Haruka said mortified.

“I am so sorry; I tend to get a little carried away with the trash talk.” Makoto said frantically not loosening her grip on the taller woman’s hand.

“I was just messing with you that was pretty good, keep going.” Haruka grins like a naughty school boy and tightens her grip.

“Oh dear, my bra strap appears to have come loose!” Michiru exclaimed which intentionally grabs the race car driver’s attention causing her to loosen her grip enabling Makoto to win the match.

“Fuck.” Haruka groaned as slammed the door shut.

“Mako is victorious, bask in my excellence!” Makoto raises her arms as if she has won a prize fight in Las Vegas.

“Michiru’s breasts, my only weakness!” Haruka said theatrically whilst clutching her chest.

“Eye of the tiger baby!” Makoto repeatedly punches the air however she knocks over a floor lamp which causes the bulb to smash. “Shit.”

* * *

 

After Haruka has helped Makoto clean up the broken glass, they rejoin the others in the dining room where the Wind Senshi takes a sit at the head of the table with two seats on either side reserved for Michiru and Setsuna.

“Where is Michiru and Sets?” Haruka inquired.

“Michiru is in the kitchen serving up dinner while Setsuna has gone to fetch Hotaru.” Rei’s attention is then focused on the long haired blonde sitting beside her; Minako is blowing bubbles in her drink through her straw causing her to snigger along with Usagi who is sitting across from the priestess.

“Will you stop that?” Rei said through gritted teeth.

“I love your table, what is this made from?” Ami rubs her hand over the smooth surface.

“Wood.” The pianist replied.

“No shit.” Rei said sarcastically.

“It is made from mahogany.” Michiru called out from the kitchen leaving the three blondes looking at each other confused.

“Thank you Michiru!” Makoto said in a raised voice.

“It is a shame Chibiusa could not come.” Haruka mentioned.

“Yeah, the Queen needed her for some important business in the 30th century.” Usagi said with disappointment before her eyes light up when she notices the wine glasses. “Are these crystal?”

“Do you know that they are doing a sequel to Adults’ Love XX?” Minako said with a seductive smile causing the rest of the group to groan until they are interrupted by the shouting match occurring upstairs between the time goddess and the ten year old.

“HIME-CHAN, YOU WILL GO DOWN STAIRS RIGHT THIS INSTANCE!”

“MAKE ME!”

“DO NOT THINK I WON’T, I WILL DRAG YOU BY THE SCRUFF OF YOUR COLLAR YOUNG LADY. I HAVE SEEN PLENTY EPISODES OF DYNASTY SO I KNOW HOW IT WORKS!”

“Dynasty?” Rei said puzzled followed by the sounds of Hotaru’s bedroom door slamming and Setsuna stomping down the stairs before she enters the dining room.

“Hotaru will be down in a few minutes.” Setsuna said calmly, she then proceeds into the kitchen to assist Michiru.

“Awkward!” Minako said drolly.

“What on earth was that about?” Makoto asked.

“Hotaru wants a pet but neither Michiru nor Setsuna want one so she throws a tantrum.” Haruka explained.

“That seems highly out of character for Hotaru.” Makoto said surprised.

“She must have gotten the idea from a kid at school or some idiot.” Rei assumed followed by Minako clearing her throat and gulping down the rest of her lemonade whilst glancing around suspiciously.

“What is for dinner Haruka?” Ami said with curiosity.

“Coq au vin.” Haruka replied causing Minako to spit out her drink which sprays Rei and the goddess of love and beauty cackles like a hyena.

“Here Rei.” Makoto tosses a napkin across the table; however it unexpectedly whacks the shrine maiden in the face. “Sorry.”

“You are aware that I have my own napkin?” Rei uses the napkin to dry herself off whilst scowling at Minako; Hotaru subsequently walks into the room where her fellow Senshi greet her before she takes a seat next to the long haired blonde.

“How is school Hotaru?” Ami asked with interest.

“Very good, at the moment I have to do a book report on Treasure Island.” Hotaru smiled at the bluenette followed by Michiru and Setsuna striding though the swing doors and placing the plates of food on the table before sitting down to join the others.

“This smells delicious!” Usagi commented as she drools over her food, she is about to dig in when Haruka abruptly taps her wine glass with her knife. “I would just like to make a toast to Michiru for cooking us a...French cock casserole thing, also to Mako for kindly giving us her recipe. Even though I don’t know how anyone can read her handwriting.”

“It is called calligraphy you jerk.” Makoto firmly stated.

“Whatever. To Michiru!” The Wind Senshi raises her glass to which the rest of the group follow suit, “To Michiru!”

“Also to Netflix for creating a proper Daredevil!” Haruka added and she commences eating her dinner, whereas Ami observes the pianist’s choice of centrepiece. “Are those Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots?”

“After dinner we should have a tournament.” Makoto suggested with excitement.

“Ooh Yeah!” Minako said euphorically.

“I told you it would stimulate dinner conversation.” Haruka gloated.

“Oh, shut up!” Setsuna said sternly, meanwhile Rei stabs her fork into what appears to be a piece of chicken but it is actually a whole red onion. “Michiru, I appreciate the dinner but do you not know how to chop?”

“I do apologise Rei, however it was Haruka’s job to chop the vegetables.” Michiru glares to her left at her girlfriend who is trying not to laugh. “It must have escaped my attention.”

“It has still got the skin on, I am not eating that!” Rei said in disgust prompting Makoto to pick up the onion with her fork and start to munch on it while her friends look at her puzzled.

“This chicken is perfectly cooked.” Ami commented to change the subject.

“I know the meat just falls off the bone.” Setsuna added, carving into her chicken leg.

“Michi knows how much you have trouble chewing solids.” Haruka playfully teased leading the time goddess to grumble into her glass of wine as she takes a sip.

* * *

 

After dinner Setsuna guides them into the living room where Haruka serves the girls hot beverages; coffee for Makoto, green tea for Rei and hot chocolates with mini marshmallows for Usagi, Minako, Ami and Hotaru.

“Thank you Haruka.” Makoto said before taking a sip of her drink.

“Don’t thank me, thank my coffee maker.” Haruka replied.

“Nespresso?” Ami asked curious.

“What else?” The race car driver stated with a smug smile.

“Also thanks for the hot chocolate, it is scrumptious.” Usagi takes a swig of her drink.

“That is because it is made from rat’s milk.” Haruka joked whereas Usagi looks as if she is about to vomit.

“Who wants tarte tatin with ice cream?” Michiru walks into the room and sets the dessert down on the glass coffee table along with a tub of vanilla ice cream which lights up Usagi’s face like a Christmas tree.

“Me! Me! Me!” Hotaru cheered joined by Usagi, Makoto and Minako, Michiru then hands everyone a plate of tart with a couple scoops of ice cream.

“Aunt Minako, the plan is not working.” Hotaru whispered to the performing arts major.

“What plan is that?” Michiru overheard.

“Oh fiddlesticks, I forgot about her Vulcan hearing.” Minako said in a lowered voice.

“I mentioned to Aunt Minako that I would like a pet so she said if I throw a tantrum I would get what I want.” The ten year old explained.

“Top secret plan.” Minako whispered annoyed to Hotaru.

“You two. Hallway. Now!” The violinist ordered.

“Ooh...somebody’s in trouble!” Makoto taunted in the manner of a kindergartner, “What is in this ice cream?”

Michiru steps into the hallway with her hands placed firmly on her hips followed closely by Haruka and Setsuna, the three stand with authority as Hotaru and Minako walk lethargically towards them.

“Minako what were you thinking, do you know how impressionable ten year olds are?” The aquanette scolded.

“Believe it or not I was actually doing this for your benefit.” The long haired blonde replied.

“How so?” Setsuna questioned with an eyebrow raised sceptically.

“Oh I am sorry, I did not thought there would be a follow-up question.” Minako shrugged.

“Whatever messed up reason you have it does not excuse you from encouraging our daughter to throw hissy fits particularly when you are meant to be setting a good example.” Michiru stated. “And Hime-chan, you should know better than to listen to your Aunt Minako’s schemes.”

The ten year old and long haired blonde lower their heads and nod.

“As punishment Hime-chan, you will have to clean out the fish tank after the flour incident with Michiru-mama. Also for shouting at Setsuna-mama, you will assist her with her Avon deliveries.” Haruka commanded.

“And you will watch the first season of Dynasty with me.” The time goddess added.

“Don’t push it.” Haruka muttered.

“I am sorry Michiru-mama and Setsuna-mama for acting like a spoilt brat, I did not mean it.” Hotaru said with puppy dog eyes.

“You are forgiven Hime-chan.” Michiru said with a warm smile.

“Mama can’t stay mad at that face!” Setsuna kneels down and hugs Hotaru.

“After you have had your dessert Hime-chan, you will go to your room and get started on your book report. And Mina the next time you decide to give Hotaru auntly advice, don’t. Do I make myself clear?” The pianist said with assertiveness.

“Yes Haruka-papa.” Hotaru and Minako said in unison and the pair head back into the living room with Setsuna, while Michiru rewards the tall blonde with a kiss on the cheek. “Good job, Papa Bear.”

* * *

 

Later that evening Hotaru is in her bedroom doing her book report while the group of women are chatting over another round of hot beverages in the living room when Makoto takes note of the black grand piano that overlooks the backyard.

“Do you still play the piano Haruka?” The brunette inquired.

“Occasionally.” The Wind Senshi replied.

“Could you play for us?” Usagi asked in excitement.

“I suppose.” Haruka conceded causing the group to cheer; the race car driver gets up off the cushion on the floor and abruptly yanks Minako up from the recliner. “You’re on vocals.”

“What should I sing?” The goddess of love and beauty adjusts her dress at the foot of the piano.

“Something catchy.” Haruka takes a seat at the instrument.

“How about that song we sang at karaoke after we drank too much tequila?” Minako suggested with a devious smile.

“Bingo!” Haruka cracks her knuckles and laughs similar to Muttley.

“What are those two up to?” Rei said as she observes the two blondes with suspicion, Haruka then begins to play the piano to an R&B beat leading Usagi to bop her head up and down.

 _“Your touch is so magic to me, the strangest things can happen.”_ Minako sang in an alluring voice.

“How long do you think it will be until Minako grinds herself on the piano?” Makoto whispered to the blue haired genius. “Probably after the second verse.”

_“The way that you react to me, I wanna do something you can’t imagine.”_

“This song sounds familiar.” Michiru said whilst listening intently to the lyrics.

_“Imagine if there was a million me’s talking sexy to you like that,  
You think you can handle boy, If I give you my squeeze and I need you to push it right back.”_

“I remember where I have heard this.” Michiru said in realisation. “It was a few years ago and I was in a clothes store trying on dresses while Haruka sat outside the dressing room completely bored out of her mind, however this song played on the radio so I asked Haruka if she would like to help me zip up my dress but she did more than zip up my dress if you know what I mean. Especially when she pinned my hands up against the stall and...” The aquanette stops herself from going into too much detail and becomes aware of the unimpressed expressions on Setsuna and Rei’s faces.

“Please continue.” Ami adjusts her glasses and she is equipped with a notepad and pen while Michiru looks apprehensively at the bluenette.

 _“All night show with just you and the crowd, doing tricks you never seen.”_ Minako closes the lid of the piano and lies across the top of the instrument.

“Be careful Minako, the surface can be quite slippery.” Setsuna warned.

 _“And I bet I can make you believe in love and sex and magic.”_ Minako lays on all fours and rocks her hips back and forth whereas Rei raises a questionable eyebrow at the long haired blonde’s display.

_“So let me drive my body around ya, I bet you know what I mean.”_

Haruka winks devilishly at Michiru who reciprocates with a flirtatious smile prompting Ami to casually check the aquanette’s temperature with an ear thermometer which Michiru lightly swats away.

 _“’Cause you know that I can make you believe in love and sex and magic.”_ Minako grinds herself against the piano but she suddenly slips along the surface and crashes into Haruka.

“Ruka!” Michiru said with concern.

“Sweet, I got it all on my phone.” Makoto grins mischievously at the screen of her smartphone.

“Ooh, can you send it to me?” Usagi requested.

“Walk it off. Walk it off.” Setsuna advised the two blondes who stagger back to their feet with assistance from Michiru and Ami.

“Fucking piano!” Haruka prods a leg of the piano with her foot.

“Don’t blame the piano, blame the blonde riding it!” Rei glares accusingly at Minako.

* * *

 

The girls decide to call it a night after Ami patches up the blonde duo and Michiru escorts them out of the front door.

“Thank you for the dinner Michiru. Give me a call and we can go shopping.” Rei hugs the aquanette and struts towards her car.

“Thanks Ariel and I am sorry about encouraging Hotaru to have bitch fits, also for breaking Haruka.” Minako pats Michiru on the back. “That is alright Minako, just be careful the next time you decide to dry hump a piano.”

“Rei, fire up the Quattro!” Minako commanded followed by the sounds of the priestess groaning.

“THANK YOU MICHIRU FOR THE TASTY FOOD!” Usagi said in a high-pitched tone as she darts over to Makoto’s Jeep causing several dogs to bark in the distance, the violinist is then approached by Ami.

“You have my number so call me and you can give me all the details of your dressing room antics.” The bluenette gives the older woman a business card.

**Ami Mizuno**

**Sexual Confidante**

**I make your pleasure, my pleasure!**

“You can also divulge me with your, what I can assume are _many_ sexual encounters.” Ami pulls Michiru to the side and whispers in her ear, “I heard Haruka can be quite the horn dog.” Michiru looks at the genius with awkwardness whereas Ami is smirking sinisterly. “Do not skimp on the details. I want locations, positions, who is more dominant, what the weather was like, do you use toys and how often do you use them. Also if it is possible, a rough estimation on how long it takes you to reach climax.”

“I beg your pardon!” Michiru said mortified, Ami then hands the Sea Senshi a piece of paper with a diagram of the female body before Makoto ushers the blue haired genius out of the doorway.

“If you would just highlight your pleasure points on the diagram that would be most appreciated.” Ami requested and she hops into the front passenger seat of the jeep.

“Don’t mind her, she is just happens to be really curious about the human body and...other people’s sex lives.” Makoto assured nervously followed by a short awkward silence except from the sounds of a cricket chirping and the odd hoot from an owl. “Anyhoo, thank you for the lovely meal and I can give you more of my recipes.” The Thunder Senshi casually strolls backwards to her car with her hands behind her back and a sheepish grin on her face; she bumps into the hood of her car before retreating to the driver’s seat.

“That was not awkward or anything.” Michiru muttered sarcastically, after she closes the front door she walks into the living room where Haruka has got her arms stretched out on the couch with an icepack on her shoulder and a frozen bag of peas between her legs whilst munching on a can of Pringles.

“Why have you got a bag of peas on your crotch?” The aquanette asked out of curiosity.

“Oh these? Mina may or may not have jammed the heel of her shoe up my snatch.” Haruka then notices the piece of paper in Michiru’s hand. “What is that?”

“Only a disturbing hobby of Ami’s.” Michiru scrunches up the paper into a ball and throws it into a wicker wastebasket.

“I like to think of them as quirks.” Haruka lobs the bag of peas over her shoulder and through the archway into the kitchen.

“HARUKA, THAT HIT ME RIGHT ON MY KNEE!” Setsuna yelled out.

“Sorry Sets, I forgot you were in there. Did it hurt?” The pianist called out.

“OF COURSE IT FRICKING HURT!” The Time Senshi retorted.

“You should probably put some ice on that.” Haruka chuckled.

“I WILL GIVE YOU ICE!” Setsuna threatened.

“You know what; I think we should go to bed.” Michiru helps the Wind Senshi to her feet and they walk out of the room with gusto.

“One sec!” Haruka swiftly snatches her can of Pringles and she pursues her girlfriend up the stairs leaving Setsuna in the kitchen to wash the stack of dirty dishes.

“Fucking adolescents.” The time goddess muttered whilst she scrubbed a dirty dish.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song Haruka sang to Michiru as she was walking down the stairs was the beauty pageant song in Scary Movie and the song Minako sang while Haruka was playing the piano was 'Love, Sex and Magic' by Ciara ft Justin Timberlake.


	4. The Pet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Outers get a new addition to the family.

Michiru is sitting in the study painting an landscape of a undersea trench when she hears the wailing of electric guitars coming from the living room, the aquanette shudders in frustration and continues with her artwork however she notices the music is gradually getting louder. Michiru sets her paintbrush down on the small table beside her and she storms out of the room, through the hallway and into the living room where Haruka and Minako are playing Guitar Hero to Stairway to Heaven by Led Zeppelin at max volume.

“WILL YOU TURN THAT DOWN?” Setsuna yelled from the kitchen, except the blonde duo can hardly hear her. Michiru lowers her brow and struts over to Haruka’s Playstation; she abruptly turns the console off causing Haruka to pause whereas Minako is still strumming her plastic guitar until she notices the awkward silence.

“No Stairway. Denied!” Haruka said dumbfounded before noticing her girlfriend standing in front of the TV with her arms crossed and tapping her left foot on the floor.

“Erhm.” Michiru coughed.

“Busted!” Minako said whilst looking nervously at her partner in crime.

“Who turned off the music? I was enjoying that.” Hotaru prances into the room and hops onto the sofa while Minako removes the guitar from her shoulder, “Clearly your uptight Michiru-mama was not.”

“I have nothing wrong with you two fully-grown babies playing your games, however what I do have a problem with is when you decide to play your games on full blast.” The Sea Senshi stated.

“Fully-grown babies?” Haruka repeated feeling offended. “Well, I am so sorry if my music interrupted your...what were you doing?”

“I was working on a new piece for the gallery opening later this month, you know how stressed out I have been to complete it for the deadline. But no, you decide to play your moronic plastic instruments like a jacked up chimpanzee!” Michiru retorted, while the couple have a heated discussion Hotaru decides to ease the tension by talking to Minako. “I thought you were really cool on Guitar Hero. You were like...amazing...Aunt Minako!”

Minako blushes and slyly looks away, “Thanks. I like to play.”

Haruka slings her guitar off her shoulder and onto the recliner, “A jacked-up chimpanzee am I? Please forgive me since I don’t want to ruin the essence of GRANDMA’S HOUSE!”

Setsuna peeks her head through the archway connecting the living room to the kitchen, “Was that aimed at me?”

“I am no Sailor Mars but you just got burned!” Minako taunted.

“GET OUT BOTH OF YOU!” Michiru herds the pair into the hallway and shoves them out of the front door which she then slams.

Haruka stares at the door flabbergasted, “Should I talk to her?”

“Listen bruh, I think it would be best if you give her some space to chill or continue with her paint by numbers.” Minako pats the taller woman on the shoulder before advancing down the driveway.

“Where are you going?” The pianist pursues the long haired blonde.

“I am not going in there with the Kraken.” Minako replied.

“Hey, that Kraken you are referring to happens to be my girlfriend.” Haruka pats down the pockets of her jeans and slouches. “Who also has my house keys.”

“I know what will cheer you up!” The goddess of love and beauty winks at the race car driver.

* * *

 

 

**LAMBORGHINI AZABU, JUUBAN SHOPPING DISTRICT**

Haruka has got her face pressed up against one of the large glass windows of the Lamborghini dealership where she is drooling over the latest model being displayed, the Lamborghini Huracán.

“Okay, let’s move before you creep out the stiffs.” Minako prises the Wind Senshi off the window.

Haruka gazes with admiration at the sports car, “It will be mine. Oh yes. It will be mine.”

Minako glances back and forth at the car and the pianist, “I thought you were loaded.”

Haruka staggers and turns to face the smaller woman, “How much I earn is none of your business, let’s go.”

The pair leisurely walks down the street until they stop at a poorly made stall where there is a shady merchant selling small pet lizards.

“Hey Tenoh, are you interested in buying a lizard?” The skinny man lowers his shades and gawks when he notices the long haired blonde. “Who is your hot friend?”

“Yo Shuji, this is Minako.” Haruka gestures to the aspiring idol who blows him a kiss.

“She seems very nice.” Shuji grinned.

“She will eat you alive man.” The Wind Senshi said in a lowered voice to the merchant prompting him to clear his throat. “Can I interest you ladies in buying a lizard?”

“We are not allowed pets at the university.” Minako replied. “Also I have Artemis.”

“How about you, Tenoh?” Shuji leans on the counter of his stall.

“Hotaru has been nagging me for a pet, what would my Jedi Master say?” Haruka ponders and imagines a withered and old Setsuna wearing Jedi robes and wielding a walking stick. 

“Just go with the flow, young grasshopper.” Setsuna grins and gives her a thumbs up.

Haruka rubs her chin, “That does sound like her, what would Michiru say?” Haruka then fantasizes about Michiru except she has long eyelashes, big luscious lips; huge breasts that rival Makoto along with rocking hips.

“Get the reptile and I will make it worth your while.” Michiru said seductively in a voice similar to Marilyn Monroe.

“I probably shouldn’t have drunk that energy drink.” Haruka turns to face the merchant and smirks. “Sold!”

* * *

 

Back at the Outer house, Michiru is sitting at the kitchen table where she is helping Hotaru with her geography homework while Setsuna is shopping online on her laptop.

“How long are you going to stay mad at Haruka-papa?” The ten year old said casually whilst focusing on her homework.

“Until your Haruka-papa stops acting like a complete boob.” Michiru replied.

“So never?” Setsuna remarked.

Haruka unexpectedly gallops into the kitchen holding a shoebox, “Hey, hey, hey!”

“Speak of the devil.” The time goddess said as she taps the touchpad of her laptop.

“Papa Bear!” Hotaru cheered, she hops off her chair and reaches up to give the tall woman a hug which prompts Haruka to bend down and hug her daughter. “Wot up, Little Britches?”

Michiru casually flips through one of Setsuna’s fashion magazines that is lying on the table to avoid eye contact from the pianist, “Oh...you are back.”

“I went for a walk with Mina around the shopping district; it is not like I went to Italy.” Haruka straightens up and she tosses her keys into the onyx bowl on the kitchen counter. “Also I live here.”

Setsuna delicately closes her laptop and she rests her hands on the portable computer, “Now you two keep it civil, you are meant to be setting an example for Hime-chan.”

Hotaru looks around at her parents with a grin on her face. “It is only a petty squabble and when Haruka-papa and Michiru-mama do that it is pretty funny.”

The green haired woman slouches forward in her chair and sighs.

The aquanette perceives the brown shoebox that Haruka is carrying, “Just out of curiosity, what is in the box?”

“Yeah Papa Bear!” Hotaru grabs the box and starts recklessly shaking it, “What’s in the box? WHAT’S IN THE BOX?”

Michiru swipes the box of Hotaru and looks at her questionably, “No more Skittles for you young lady.”

“Taste the rainbow.” Haruka whispered.

Michiru lifts the lid off the box to reveal a small green lizard with big eyes and tiny pupils. “Is this some kind of joke?”

“What? Hotaru wanted a pet so I got her a pet, plus they are easy to maintain.” Haruka stood with her hands behind her back and a sheepish grin on her face.

Setsuna observes the reptile and she nervously crosses her arms, “I do not like how it is looking at me. What is wrong with that thing?”

“What does it do?” The youngster asked in excitement.

“Watch and be amazed.” Haruka announced theatrically before picking up the lizard and attaching it to the wall, however it abruptly drops to the floor.

“Trust you to pick out the dud.” Michiru sighed.

“What about Brad Pitt over there?” Haruka gestures to the black haired girl who tries to act innocent while Michiru picks up the lizard and inspects it. “Haruka, where did you get this from?”

“Shuji, why do you ask?”

“Because it has ‘Made In China’ printed on its stomach.” The violinist lobs the toy over to Haruka who easily catches it and stares at it dumbfounded. “Oops.”

Michiru pinches the bridge of her nose, “How many times do I have to tell you not to buy useless junk of that con artist?”

Haruka hands the toy to Hotaru and moves towards her girlfriend. “Not everything is useless junk. What about those stack of DVDs I brought?”

Michiru raises her eyebrows at the race car driver. “Those DVDs were imported from Russia and they could not fit in the DVD player.”

“Do I still get to have a pet?” Hotaru interjected causing her parents to look at each other.

“She is very responsible and mature for a girl her age.” Michiru reasoned.

“Also I have had a few pets when I was younger so I can assist her.” Haruka and Michiru then look expectantly at Setsuna. “Just keep it away from me.”

* * *

 

**PET SHOP PERFUME**

Hotaru skips through the automated doors of the pet store and she immediately darts over to nearest animals which are glass tanks displaying gerbils, Haruka and Michiru then enter and they quickly glance around the store.

“Did Usagi not mention that she once fought the previous owner who was serving Jadeite by selling demonic pets that stole people’s energy?” The aquanette questioned.

“I think so, also this place is called Pet Shop Perfume however I do not detect any fragrances on sale.” Haruka’s observation causes her girlfriend to sigh while Setsuna lethargically walks into the store.

“Wait a minute, did you mention demonic pets?” Haruka asked which Michiru answers with a nod. “Was it all the pets or a particular species?”

“They were Chanelas which were created by the Dark Kingdom and they resembled furry gerbils but they emitted a perfumed scent.” Michiru replied whilst admiring the aquariums.

“Gerbils!” Haruka said in shock before dashing over to Hotaru and ushering her away from the gerbils. “Come on Hime-chan, you do not want one of those pleasant smelling rats!”

Michiru yanks the taller woman away by her arm and over to the bird section. “Sailor Moon destroyed all the Chanelas and those are just regular gerbils, you idiot.”

“You idiot.” A Cockatoo in a cage repeated.

“Zip it you cocky Pigeon!” Haruka playfully warned.

“Make me you idiot.” The Cockatoo squawked causing Haruka to clench her fists.

“Ruka just ignore it, it is only a parrot.” Michiru said calmly.

“You are right.” The race car driver shoves her hands into the pockets of her black, leather racing jacket and she starts to walk away with her girlfriend.

“You dress like an idiot.” The Cockatoo’s remark causes Haruka to stop in her tracks and turn around to glare at the parrot.

“Haruka let it go.” The violinist advised.

“It is okay Michi; it is only trying to rattle my cage.” Haruka strolls over to the bird cage followed by her lowering her brow. “How would you like it if I rattled your cage?” The sandy haired woman aggressively shakes the bird cage until Michiru intervenes by dragging the taller woman away. “Will you leave that poor parrot alone?”

“That dick started it!” Haruka retorted whilst they walk towards Hotaru who is petting the rabbits that are in a playpen.

“Can I get a rabbit, please?” Hotaru pleaded.

“I do not know Hime-chan, rabbits do not live long and knowing your Haruka-papa she might try to eat it.” Setsuna stares accusingly at the pianist.

“Hey! I like rabbits, granted they do taste nice.” Haruka’s response causes Hotaru to overdramatically gasp, the race car driver then notices a wiry haired rabbit that looks like it has been ravaged in a nearby cage encouraging Haruka to approach the cage and inspect it. “What the? That is not a rabbit, it is a hare!” The animal in question has one ear drooping down, a goofy expression along with crossed eyes and it is sitting like a dog. “It looks like the last survivor of Watership Down.”

“It does look very...wild.” Michiru observed.

“That is because it is wild Michiru.” Haruka stated when a store assistant approaches them. “Hello, may I be of any assistance?”

“Yes you may, that is a hare now get it out. They do not make suitable pets.” Haruka said firmly.

“What are you talking about?” The assistant glances over at the cage. “Oh my god that is a hare!”

“What is it doing in there?” Setsuna questioned.

“I have no idea, I better call animal control. Thank you for informing me.” The assistant rushes over to the main counter to call animal control.

“Well that shitstorm has been taken care of.” Haruka stated proudly and she receives an elbow in the gut from Michiru for her choice of words however Hotaru is preoccupied with the hare.

“Hello Reginald!” The ten year old said cheerfully which causes the hare to slowly tilt its head down and stare sinisterly at her. “H-Haruka-papa, the hare is starting to creep me out.”

“Why don’t you check out the other animals?” Haruka suggested.

“Okay!” Hotaru prances off with Michiru and Setsuna whereas Haruka stares at the hare.

“Back off Reggie!” The pianist warned before rejoining the others.

“Hime-chan, have you found a pet yet?” Michiru inquired.

“Not really.” Hotaru replied.

“How about we visit the exotic pet store? They have snakes, turtles and spiders!” Haruka said energetically.

“Can I get a Komodo Dragon?” Hotaru asked ecstatically.

“Of course!” Haruka smirked.

“No!” Michiru said firmly.

“Komodo Dragons are highly dangerous. They can run fast, swim, climb and dig also they have toxic saliva.” Setsuna cautioned.

“All the more better to scare off Jehovah Witnesses.” The race car driver joked.

“No giant lizards.” The time goddess said with authority. “Or Tarantulas.”

The three stare at Setsuna in confusion.

“They freak me out, all that hair on a spider is unnatural it makes them look like a walking glove.” Setsuna explained.

“How about a Chinchilla?” Haruka then suggested.

Michiru looks at the taller woman unimpressed, “What? No, those things can live until they are 100.”

“Can I get a dog?” Hotaru’s request causes Setsuna to loudly gulp.

“A dog? Is that what you really want?” The aquanette asked the ten year old.

“Yes, I will take care of it and Haruka-papa can still train it to scare off Jehovah Witnesses.” Hotaru grinned.

“She does have a point.” Haruka said with a smirk.

Michiru gazes down at her daughter who is giving her puppy dog eyes. “Fine you can have a dog, but I do not want you and Haruka-papa setting it on the neighbours.”

“YAY! THANK YOU!” Hotaru cheered and she hugs the couple.

“Hooray, we are getting a dog.” Setsuna said unenthusiastically, she then notices a fat hamster on its hind legs sniffing on the glass.

* * *

 

**ANIMAL KINGDOM, ANIMAL SHELTER**

“Hey Michi, this pooch looks exactly like Droopy!” Haruka excitedly points to a Bassett Hound which Hotaru then observes. “It is so cute.”

“So what sort of beast are you looking for?” Setsuna questioned.

“Haruka-papa said any dog that is under 50 pounds is a cat and cats are pointless.” Hotaru cheerfully replied prompting Setsuna to stare at Haruka. “What? It is true.”

A Poodle catches Michiru’s attention, “What about her?”

“With that coat it is practically a sheep.” Haruka taunted causing the aquanette to cross her arms in a huff.

“Now that is a beast!” Haruka darts over to a pen containing a Bernese Mountain Dog forcing Setsuna to frantically point to a Chihuahua. “Why don’t we get him?”

“That is not a dog that is a rat!” The pianist said unimpressed whereas Michiru is stroking a Dalmatian. “I love his spots.”

“He is cute but he doesn’t compare to that.” The pianist gestures to a Great Dane.

“Oh my Serenity, they have got a horse.” Setsuna said in shock.

“We could buy a van and go around solving mysteries!” Haruka said enthusiastically.

“I am not sitting in the back of a van next to that thing!” The time goddess firmly stated.

“Jeez relax Velma.” Haruka muttered.

“Let’s get this beautiful Collie.” The aquanette looks admiringly at the dog.

“Or we could get that!” Haruka points both her index fingers at a Pyrenean Mountain Dog.

Michiru stares wide-eyed at the large dog, “What on Earth? Haruka that is a Polar Bear!”

“I know right!” Haruka said whilst grinning like an idiot.

“Will you stop pointing out the large dogs?” Setsuna said through gritted teeth.

“Oh Sets, I haven’t even started.” Haruka turns around and gestures to a Saint Bernard causing the green haired woman to stagger. “We are not getting that especially after I watched Cujo.”

“Why do you want a Saint Bernard?” Michiru asked the race car driver.

“One, they are a proper dog. Two, Beethoven. And three, as well as being known for alpine rescue they also carried small barrels around their neck which contained brandy. We could train him to carry alcohol for us during the winter.” Haruka explained.

“Or in other words, you would like to train him to fetch you alcohol while you are out on the town with Minako.” The violinist added.

“Yeah pretty much.” Haruka said smugly.

“Shouldn’t Hotaru be picking out a dog?” Setsuna pointed out.

“Oh yeah, where is she?” Haruka looks around until she finds the ten year old by the puppies.

“Can I get that one please?” Hotaru points to a black puppy with tan markings.

“Of course you can Hime-chan.” Michiru picks up the puppy and hands it to Hotaru who starts petting it.

“Anything is better than Master Splinter over here.” Haruka points her thumb over her shoulder towards the Chihuahua.

Setsuna stares questionably at the puppy, “What does that grow into?”

Haruka lowers her head and grins menacingly, “A Rottweiler.”

Setsuna gulps before advancing towards one of the shelter’s workers with Hotaru, Michiru is about to follow them when she suddenly tugged back by Haruka.

“Ruka, what is up?” The Sea Senshi asked.

“I just wanted to apologise for earlier, I was playing Guitar Hero too loud and I was acting like a real...”

“Idiot.”

“I was going to say dick but that is better, anyway I got you this for your aquarium.” Haruka hands Michiru a small pirate ship model. “Oh Haruka, I love it. Also I should apologise for overreacting.”

“You are forgiven if you give me a hug and a kiss.” Haruka smirked.

“I have no arguments.” Michiru yanks the collar of Haruka’s jacket pulling the taller woman towards her, the pianist presses the aquanette’s back up towards a pen door before she wraps her arms around her waist giving the violinist an amorous hug, the couple gaze alluringly into each other’s eyes as they slowly move their faces closer when a Doberman Pinscher with pointy ears unexpectedly pounces on the pen door and starts ferociously barking at Michiru. “Great Neptune’s beard!” The aquanette launches herself into Haruka’s arms whereas the canine perceives the race car driver causing it to stop barking and act friendlier.

“Why hello there little guy!” Haruka greeted while the Doberman stares adoringly at her with its tongue out and the Wind Senshi notices a lack of male genitalia. “I mean girl.”

“Michi it is alright, she is friendly.” Haruka assured encouraging the aquanette to approach the Doberman but it again starts ferociously barking at the violinist.

“That does it I am going back to the car!” Michiru angrily struts off while Haruka pursues her.

* * *

 

The next day at the Outers’ house, Haruka and Minako are playing Rock Band in the living room with Haruka on lead guitar and Minako on drums whereas Rei is lounging on the sofa reading a magazine while Michiru, Setsuna and Hotaru are playing Go Fish with Makoto at the kitchen table.

“No offense Setsuna but I wouldn’t have pegged you for a dog person.” Makoto stated.

“None taken and you are quite correct.” The time goddess replied.

“I take it you mastered the art of persuasion.” Makoto whispered to the ten year old who is grooming her new puppy that is sitting on her lap.

“I observed Michiru-mama; she is great at making Haruka-papa mow the lawn and cleaning out the swimming pool.” Hotaru smiled.

“I bet she is.” The brunette raises a suspicious eyebrow unbeknownst to Michiru.

“Has anyone got any tens?” Michiru asked.

“Go Fish.” The others said in unison.

“To make the game more exciting, Haruka-papa said we should bet on money.” Hotaru mentioned.

Michiru takes a card from the deck positioned in the middle of the table, “Did she now?”

“Aunt Mako, what dog would you own?” Hotaru asked out of curiosity.

“Don’t get me wrong I think Titan is very adorable.” Makoto strokes the puppy under the chin. “But I would probably own a Pyrenean Mountain Dog, playing with it would be like wrestling a Polar Bear.”

Michiru nods her head in agreement when she suddenly hears heavy metal music coming from the living room due to Haruka’s videogame; however it is different mainly because every few seconds the music pauses. “What is going on in there?” The aquanette raises from her seat and she steps into the living room where the blonde duo are playing their game but the disc keeps getting stuck in the Playstation causing the game to continually freeze, although that does not stop the pair from playing as when the game freezes they freeze and when it continues to play so do they, to the annoyance of Rei who lowers her magazine.

“Will you two sort out that bloody disc?” The priestess fumed, however the pair ignore her and they continue playing.

“You have to admire their persistence.” Michiru commented.

“Screw that.” Rei lobs the magazine onto the coffee table and she strides across the room to turn off the Playstation. “Okay Sonny and Cher, the show is over!”

“Aww, Rei that was our jam!” Minako said in disappointment.

Rei places her hands on her hips and stares intently at the long haired blonde. “You were aware that the game was repeatedly freezing and was making you two look like morons, more so than usual.”

“It seems to me that someone is jealous of our raw talent.” Haruka said with her arms crossed across her chest and a smug smirk, whereas Rei and Michiru exchange a sideway glance.

“Now if you ladies don’t mind, we have some rocking to do.” The pianist turns the Playstation back on and the twosome resume with their game despite the fact the game continues to freeze.

“What a pair of asses.” Rei sighed.


	5. Poltergeist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are weird things happening at the Outer Senshi house including Haruka being terrorised by a possessed clown doll.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bold and Italics indicate video camera POV.

_**“Hello viewers this is Chikako Araki and I am standing here with runner-up, Katsuro Fukumoto who finished second place in today’s charity race in which all proceeds go towards preserving endangered Asian wildlife. Katsuro, do you feel that the better racer won on the day?”**_ The news reporter aims her microphone towards the racer who is sporting a bright red jumpsuit; the disgruntled man clears his throat before speaking into the microphone. _**“Yes.”** _

_**“Would you care to elaborate?”** _

_**“No.”** _

_**“Very well. Do you think today’s race has given you a rough idea for the run-in at next month’s tournament since you raced against many of the main competitors?”** _

_**“Yes.”** _

_**“A-And do you have any comments on today’s victor?”** _

_**“She was good...too good.”**_ Katsuro storms off down the corridor, deliberately knocking a mop in a bucket to the floor and he slams the twin metal doors shut behind him leaving Chikako awestruck.

 _ **“Now for an exclusive interview with today’s winner, who is celebrating her victory in the Executive Lounge which we have been granted access to.”**_ The eager journalist leads her cameraman through twin glass doors to find a particular sandy haired blonde wearing the bottom half of her navy blue jumpsuit with the top half tied around her waist revealing her white v-neck shirt, she is also donning a pair of aviators along with a navy blue baseball cap that is backwards and displays her sponsor on the front. The reporter stands in shock while the victor is standing atop of a coffee table where she is spraying her congratulatory bottle of champagne over her cheering pit crew, however the group are interrupted by Chikako loudly clearing her throat.

 _ **“Oh sh-!”**_ The racer hops off the table and rushes over to the journalist.

_**“I do apologise for interrupting your celebrations Tenoh.”** _

_**“No need to apologise Ms. Araki since I am a massive fan of your show, and please call me Haruka.”** _

_**“Well aren’t you a charmer, so Haruka it is pretty obvious you are pleased with today’s victory.”** _

_**“Why of course Kitten, but I am also grateful that we raised plenty of money for a good cause as I for one love our little woodland critters.”** _

_**“Is it true that you helped organise the event?”** _

_**“To some degree yes but all the credit should go to the one whose idea this was and who also got the children’s entertainer Panji the Panda to award the trophy. The intelligent, beautiful and highly talented Michiru Kaioh, the greatest violinist in Japan...no screw that, the world.”** _

_**“Ah yes, the same Michiru Kaioh who you happen to be dating. Where is the prodigy?”** _

_**“She is talking with my sponsors, hold on I will get her.”** _

_**“Thank you that would be appreciated.”** _

_**“MICHI, THAT CHICK FROM THE NEWS WANTS TO TALK TO YOU!”** _

Chikako raises an eyebrow at the camera until the aquanette approaches the reporter. _**“Michiru it is a pleasure.”** _

_**“The pleasure is all mine.”** _

_**“Congratulations on organising a successful event and for raising a huge amount of money for the Asian wildlife.”** _

_**“Thank you and anything for a good cause, also I would like to take this opportunity to thank Panji the Panda.”** _

_**“So Michiru we hear you are releasing a new album, can you share any details?”** _

_**“Yes I can, it will be released in the summer and it will feature a cover track that was kindly suggested by my partner.”** _

_**“And what would that be?”** _

The camera pans to Haruka, _**“Batman!”** _

_**“Excuse me?”** _

Michiru interjects. _**“I did a cover of the 1966 Batman TV theme with my violin.”**_ Haruka stares lovingly at the violinist. _**“I *bleeping* love you!”** _ The race car driver drops the bottle of champagne onto the floor causing it to smash and she pulls Michiru towards her for a deep, passionate kiss that results in the couple lying on the floor with Haruka on top of the aquanette, however Michiru abruptly turns off the TV with the remote control.

“Aww, I was enjoying that.” Haruka said with a mouthful of popcorn.

“I can’t believe they kept that in.” Setsuna commented whereas Hotaru is using the green haired woman’s laptop.

“What can I say; me and Michi make good television.” The pianist stated when her phone suddenly beeps, she picks it up from the coffee table and she swipes the screen with her thumb. “I have got a text from Mina, she loved our interview.”

“Of course she did.” The time goddess muttered.

“I have found the full interview on YouTube and it is uncensored, whatever that means.” Hotaru said with her attention focused on the computer screen which alerts her parents. “Click play.” The ten year old taps the touchpad prompting Haruka to lunge across the sofa and slam the laptop shut followed by an awkward silence.

“So did Panji the Panda do his Panji dance?” Setsuna asked to ease the tension.

“Yes, after he whacked one of the racers with a stick of bamboo because the racer called him an abomination of children’s television.” Michiru replied.

“That Panda rocks!” Haruka smirked.

* * *

 

Later that night Michiru is lounging on her side of the king-sized bed wearing an aquamarine lace nightgown whilst she browses through images from her photo shoot for her album cover on her iPad when Haruka emerges from the bathroom sporting a mustard yellow tank top and black boxer shorts with the Batman logo on the front.

“Are you trying to decide on an album cover?” Haruka hops onto the bed and assumes the lounge position next to the aquanette.

“Yes and to no avail, you can help if you want to?” Michiru looks expectantly at the pianist.

“Of course!” Haruka leans closer to view the images. “Ooh I know, how about a black and white image of you lying on a bed in the nude with your back facing the camera and a panther is guarding your violin?”

Michiru stares at the race car driver in astonishment. “Or you could choose one of these pictures?” The violinist hands the tablet over to Haruka who starts flicking through the photo gallery.

“I really like this one.” Haruka points out an image of Michiru wearing a stunning red ball gown and she is playing her violin in a grand concert hall. The aquanette looks at the taller woman impressed. “Good choice and oddly enough that was the one I was favouring, it is like we can read each other’s...”

“Magazines, I mean minds.” Haruka hands the iPad back to Michiru and pulls out a can of Pringles from under her side of the mattress, she pops the top off and she offers some to the Sea Senshi. “Pringle?”

“No thank you, you get enough crumbs in the bed for the both of us.” Michiru stated.

“Are you sure because I got salt and vinegar?” Haruka said whilst munching on a handful of chips prompting Michiru to swiftly drop the iPad on her nightstand before yanking the taller woman towards her by the racer’s tank top and staring seductively into the sandy haired blonde’s eyes. “Screw the crumbs!”

“You are a bad girl.” Haruka said with a devious smile; however the mood is ruined by their ten year old daughter who abruptly darts into their room, slamming the door shut behind her before cowering between her parents on their bed. “There is something in my closet.”

“Okay, let’s check it out.” Michiru assured.

The three of them step inside the youngster’s bedroom to find her three month old puppy barking at the closet door which is slightly ajar. “Was that door closed when you went to bed?” Michiru gazes down at Hotaru who replies with a nod. “Haruka-papa closed it after she checked it for monsters.”

“I am very thorough with my monster inspections.” Haruka said proudly.

“Obviously not thorough enough since there is a dog barking at the closet in the middle of the night.” Setsuna enters the bedroom and Michiru notes the green haired woman’s night-time apparel consisting of a quilted maroon bathrobe with a floral pattern and purple UGG slippers. “In the name of Serenity, what are you wearing?”

“Michiru!” Setsuna said mortified whilst clutching her robe whereas Haruka approaches the closet and slowly pulls the door wide open to reveal just clothes hanging inside, she fully inspects the closet before closing the door and she averts her attention to the barking Rottweiler puppy.

“What has got you so riled up Titan?” Haruka leads the canine away from the closet.

“Titan saw it too!” Hotaru pointed out.

“Saw what?” The aquanette inquired.

“There was a man standing in my closet.” The ten year old replied.

Setsuna bends down so she is at Hotaru’s eye level. “What did he look like?”

“He was hard to make out; he was mostly covered in some strange purple smoke.” Hotaru’s statement causes Michiru’s eyes to widen and she discreetly drags Haruka into the hallway while Setsuna comforts Hotaru.

“Michi, what is up?” The pianist asked in confusion.

“When I came home after work yesterday I got one of my 'evil-daimony' vibes, so I checked the Deep Aqua Mirror but all I could see was...purple smoke.” Michiru said with concern.

Haruka stares overdramatically at the aquanette followed by the sound of thunder and a flash of lightning. “Shut the f-front door!”

“I would ask Rei to investigate since she has expertise in the area, but she is visiting her cousin Kengo for the week and she will not be back until Friday.” Michiru stated.

“Fine, then I guess I will have to launch my own investigation until she gets back.” Haruka said with a crooked smirk and with her arms crossed.

“What are you going to do?” The violinist said apprehensively.

“Where is the video camera?” The taller woman said whilst rubbing her chin.

“What do you need that thing for?” Michiru questioned.

“Two words, Paranormal Activity!” Haruka said with excitement.

“Ruka, you are an idiot but you are my idiot.” Michiru sighed.

* * *

 

**(Monday – Day One 22:35pm Night Vision)**

Haruka aims the camera towards her face while she is lying in bed with Michiru who is ignoring the device by reading a magazine.

_**“Day one of the investigation has yielded no results; even though when I was putting on my Spider-Man boxer shorts I thought something grabbed my leg from under the bed...it was a sock.”** _

Michiru lowers her magazine. _**“Whose sock was it?”** _

_**“I think it was one of your tennis socks.”** _

_**“Where did you put it after?”** _

_**“Oh, I threw it into the bathroom.”** _

Michiru rolls her eyes and glances into the bathroom where she notices the toilet seat lid is up. _**“It better not be in the toilet.”** _

_**“Oops.”** _

The aquanette sighs and she continues reading her magazine.

_**“Anyhoo, earlier today I googled ghosts and apparently there have been cases of possession. That is some freaky shit because I have seen The Exorcist among many other horror movies. I actually thought I was being possessed but it turned out to be the chilli jacket potato I ate at lunch as evident by the state of the toilet.”** _

Michiru drops the magazine on her lap. _**“Haruka don’t be so crude!”** _

_**“What? It took me nearly a whole can of air freshener to get rid of the smell so it wouldn’t knock you unconscious when you remove your makeup.”** _

_**“Wait, you used the toilet in our bathroom.”** _

_**“That would be correct.”** _

_**“Did you clear your bowels before or after the sock incident?”** _

_**“A-After.”** _ Haruka grins sheepishly at the aquanette.

* * *

 

**(Tuesday – Day Two 18:10pm)**

Haruka is walking towards Hotaru’s bedroom as she records with the camera, she leans into the doorway and she lightly knocks on the ten year old’s open door.

_**“Knock, knock.”** _

Hotaru is sitting at a pink, small plastic and round table which is adorned with plastic cups and a teapot in the middle.

_**“Hi Papa Bear.”** _

_**“Are you having a tea party?”** _

_**“Yes, you can join me if you want.”** _

_**“I don’t mind if I do.”** _

Haruka positions the camera on the dresser so it is pointed at the table and she takes a seat on a small plastic chair next to Hotaru, the pianist looks to her left where she notices a peculiar clown ventriloquist doll sitting across from Hotaru.

_**“Who is this little guy?”** _

_**“I found him in the basement while I was helping Michiru-mama fold the laundry. His name is Joka.”** _

_**“I kinda like the name even though I do not like that cheesy grin on his face.”** _

_**“Can I keep him?”** _

_**“Of course.”** _

Haruka nudges the doll’s seat away from her with her foot while Hotaru is preoccupied with pouring a brown liquid into the racer’s cup, the ten year old then hands the tall woman the beverage on top of a saucer.

_**“What is this?”** _

_**“It is a special concoction Joka told me about.”** _

Haruka takes a sip of the drink and she immediately spits it back out.

_**“Hotaru, did you drink any of this?”** _

_**“No, it kind of smelt funny but Joka said to pour some into my cup so I would look cool.”** _

Haruka raises an eyebrow at the doll.

_**“Hime-chan, I want you to be honest with me. Did you know where I kept this drink?”** _

Hotaru shakes her head.

_**“No, after Setsuna-mama helped me with my homework I went into my room that was where I found Joka sitting on this table next to a bottle labelled Jack Daniels.”** _

_**“That crafty little sh-!”** _

_**“Dinner is ready!”**_ Michiru called out from downstairs.

 _ **“Alright ravioli!”**_ Hotaru shoots up from her seat which knocks the chair and she dashes out of the room leaving Haruka alone with the doll.

_**“I have got my eye on you, punk!”** _

Haruka picks up the bottle of whisky under the table and she leaves the room, a few seconds later the clown doll slowly turns its head towards the doorway and it raises its middle finger.

* * *

 

**(Wednesday – Day Three 11:55am)**

Haruka is wearing her Batman costume apron whilst she is standing in the kitchen behind the island countertop.

_**“Good morning and welcome to Cooking with Haruka. Today I will be showing you how to make Baked Alaska, but since I know jack shit about how to make this...”** _

Haruka picks up a cook book from the counter and quickly flips through it to find the recipe.

_**“Dessert...apparently.”** _

The pianist slams the book shut and tosses it over her shoulder which knocks over a fruit bowl.

_**“As I was saying. Since I know diddly-squat about making this dessert and cooking in general, I would like to introduce my special guest chef. Give a round of applause to the culinary dynamo that is Makoto Kino!”** _

Haruka claps and whistles as Makoto takes her position next to the sandy haired blonde.

_**“Thanks for joining us Mako.”** _

_**“My pleasure H.”** _

_**“H?”** _

_**“It is a new nickname I am trying out, why don’t you like it?”** _

_**“Well no, I am not a band member from Steps.”** _

_**“Now that would be a tragedy.”** _

_**“What is that supposed to mean?”** _

_**“I have seen you dance.”** _

_**“Shut up and wear your apron!”** _

Haruka flings a Green Lantern costume apron at the brunette but it whacks Makoto in the face.

_**“Whoops, sorry.”** _

_**“Bullshit.”** _

Makoto glares at the taller woman while she puts on her apron.

_**“Here, let me tie it for you.”** _

_**“Thank you.”** _

Makoto turns around so Haruka can tie back her apron.

_**“Not too tight.”** _

_**“It is kind of hard not to with your money makers, there done.”** _

The duo turns and faces the camera.

_**“So Mako, how long does it take to make a Baked Alaska?”** _

_**“Well my Baked Alaska recipe takes six hours to make.”** _

_**“SIX HOURS?”** _

_**“Relax, I will just show you how to prepare it and I will get out the one I made earlier like what they do on the cooking shows.”** _

_**“Good thinking Batman.”** _

_**“I thought I was Green Lantern.”** _

_**“Just prepare the fucking dessert.”** _

Makoto lowers her brow and empties a grocery bag onto the counter.

_**“What ingredients have you got?”** _

_**“I have got eggs, vanilla and chocolate ice cream and...”** _

_PEW! PEW!_

_**“What the fuck was that?”** _

Haruka picks up her phone and taps the screen.

_**“I have a friend request.”** _

_**“Who is it from?”** _

The race car driver stares at her phone in shock.

_**“You have got to be fucking kidding me.”** _

_**“Did Mina send you a pic of the contents of Artemis’ litterbox?”** _

_**“What? No, did she send you one?”** _

_**“I rather not say, who is the friend request from?”** _

Haruka hands her phone to Makoto.

_**“Who is Joka and why is his profile pic an ugly clown doll?”** _

Makoto hands back Haruka her phone.

_**“He is this little shit who Hotaru found in our basement.”** _

_**“Hotaru found a person living in your basement.”** _

_**“No, Joka is the fucking ugly clown doll.”** _

_**“That is absurd, I know we have dealt with some freaky shit but a doll setting up its own Facebook page is pretty farfetched.”** _

_**“I am telling you that thing is possessed, it keeps staring at me and...hosting alcoholic tea parties!”** _

_**“Did you accidentally eat some of Michiru’s face cream again?”** _

Haruka scowls at the robust woman.

 _ **“WHAT THE HELL!”** _ A voice yelled.

_**“That sounds like Michi, it came from the garage. Mako grab the camera.”** _

Makoto picks up the camera and lightly jogs behind Haruka to the garage where Michiru is standing before a black Subaru Forester which has been keyed all over.

_**“Haruka... since when do you own an SUV?”** _

_**“It is the family car; I brought it after we got Titan.”** _

_**“What is its horse power?”** _

_**“170 and it has anti-lock brakes.”** _

_**“Nice!”** _

_**“Can you two focus?”** _

_**“Sorry Michi, what I want to know is who the fuck did this to our car.”** _

_PEW! PEW!_

Haruka slides the screen of her phone with her thumb and she taps the screen.

_**“That fucking vandal!”** _

Makoto points the camera over Haruka’s shoulder to view the phone screen which is displaying a selfie of the clown doll with a maniacal grin on its face and it is holding up a set of keys.

_**“Holy shit snacks!”** _

The brunette stumbles backwards and trips on a wench causing the camera to fly out of her hand and smash into the SUV’s windscreen.

“Mako are you alright?” Michiru helps the taller woman to her feet.

“Peachy, except the same can’t be said for your car...or camera.” Makoto observes the camera lodged in the windscreen.

“Aww, this afternoon I was going to film my woodshop show with Ami.” Haruka said in disappointment.

“I thought you were documenting paranormal phenomena for Rei.” The aquanette questioned.

“That too.” Haruka said while rubbing the back of her neck.

“You can probably still use it.” Makoto grabs hold of the camera and dislodges it from the windscreen however it causes the glass to shatter. “That...is fixable.” The brunette then thoroughly inspects the device. “It just has a few scratches, let’s commence with the cooking show!” Makoto proudly holds the camera up but it abruptly falls to pieces in her hand. “Shit.”

* * *

 

The next afternoon Haruka steps out onto the patio clothed in navy blue board shorts and a white v-neck top along with a pair of aviators, she is holding a glass of lemonade when the smell of gasoline catches her attention. “Why do I smell gasoline?” Haruka lowers her aviators and perceives the clown doll armed with a lit match and it is sitting next to a pile of clothes next to the swimming pool. “My mustard coloured clothing!”

The race car driver drops her glass and she slowly advances towards the doll. “We can talk this out, just step away from the clothes.”

Joka drops the match onto the pile of clothes which instantly catch alight and engulf the articles of clothing in flames causing Haruka to swiftly grab a shovel and scoop the burning clothes into the pool, after she is done Haruka tosses away the shovel and she drops to her knees as she gazes at the scorched pieces of clothing floating in the pool. Haruka repeatedly whacks her fist onto the ground, “You maniac! You burnt them all! Darn you! Darn you all to heck!”

The sand haired blonde lowers her brow and shoots up to find that the clown doll has disappeared. “Where did that little shit go?”

* * *

 

The following evening Haruka is wearing a black tank top and a pair of Ghostbusters boxer shorts whilst equipped with a flashlight which she is frantically pointing under the bed. “Come out you little bastard.”

“Are you still looking for that doll?” Michiru called out from the bathroom.

“I am telling you that little asshole has got a vendetta against me.” Haruka shuffles around some boxes under the bed and she comes across an unopened bag of pretzels. “Sweet! Hey Michi, I found my bag of pretzels!”

“Check the expiry date before eating them.” The aquanette advised.

“Yes ma’am.” Haruka switches off the flashlight and she slides out from under the bed before placing the bag of pretzels on her nightstand.

_PEW! PEW!_

The pianist checks her phone to find she has received a new text message.

**Unknown: Give me ¥6000 so I can order a switchblade from eBay! XD – J**

“Seriously, how did this fucking doll get a phone?” Haruka said in a low voice before angrily typing back.

**Lanky Idiot: Fuck you Pinocchio!**

**Psychotic Prick: Do it or else!**

**Lanky Idiot: Or else what? Are you going to bite my ankles?**

_CLICK!_

“What was that?” Haruka swiftly glances around the room.

**Psychotic Prick: You will give me the money or the pic I just sent you will be uploaded onto the internet!**

Haruka taps the screen of her phone with her thumb to view the attachment which is a picture of Michiru wearing a black lace nightgown whilst she is shaving her legs with a razor. “That crafty pervert.” The race car driver said through gritted teeth followed by the sound of something dropping by the bathroom door, Haruka rushes over to the source of the sound and she finds a smartphone lying on the floor. “That is my old phone.” Haruka inspects the device which she tries to turn on but it has a flat battery. “HA! The source of its power!” The Wind Senshi grabs one of her small dumbbells from under the bed and she uses it to smash the phone to pieces prior to disposing the remains into the wicker wastebasket.

Meanwhile Setsuna is walking up the stairs with a small plate of shortbread biscuits; she strolls down the hallway and enters her bedroom to find the clown doll sitting at her computer. “Very funny Haruka.” The time goddess muttered, she places the plate of biscuits next to her computer and she shoves the doll off the chair which she then sits on. Setsuna puts on her glasses that are attached to a gold chain around her neck and she opens her internet browser which is displaying search results for ‘How to make your own weapons.’

“That is strange.” Setsuna takes a bite out of a biscuit and she eyes the doll with suspicion, she observes the cheesy yet quite sinister grin on its face prompting her to grab the doll and locking it inside an antique wooden storage trunk that she uses to store ancient relics and books. “Screw this; I am going to have some wine.”

* * *

 

The evening after Haruka and Michiru are having an intimate candlelight dinner at a small bistro style table in the corner of the kitchen where the pianist is scoffing down her plate of grilled steak salad. “Michi this is fucking delicious!” Haruka complimented with a mouthful of food.

“I thought you could use a nice relaxing dinner considering you are being terrorised by a clown doll which is making you paranoid.” Michiru pauses from carving her steak. “There is a sentence I thought I would never say.”

“I really appreciate it, thank you.” Haruka reaches across the table and places a hand on Michiru’s.

“You are welcome. It reminds me of when we took that vacation a few years ago, you had the flu and the hotel was being attacked by an obnoxious puppet that was working for the Dead Moon Circus.”

“Oh yeah, I hated that fucking puppet.” The taller woman grumbled.

“I would not have guessed judging by the state of the hotel room.” Michiru stated.

“Man was the hotel manager pissed.” Haruka said with amusement leading the couple to giggle amongst themselves.

“I talked to Rei earlier, she arrived back from her cousin’s and Kengo kindly made us gifts since he is a potter.” The violinist mentioned which lights up the racer’s face but Michiru intervenes. “No relation to Harry Potter as he is fictional, Kengo does pottery.”

“Oh... when she comes over tomorrow we can explain about the paranormal...” Haruka drops her knife and fork onto the table and her eyes shift around the room.

“What is it Haruka?” Michiru asked concerned.

“He is here.” Haruka peeks under the table.

Michiru raises an eyebrow, “Are you referring to the doll?”

Suddenly the table starts violently shaking prompting the couple to hold down the piece of furniture however it does not stop pieces of cutlery and an odd wine glass from falling to the floor, a few minutes later the table stops shaking and the pair sigh in relief.

“That kinda felt like riding a mechanical bull but less fun.” Haruka slouches back in her chair and she takes a swig from the bottle of red wine, Michiru begins tidying the table but she is unexpectedly tugged back on her chair. “What the?”

She is tugged back again but this time with more force sending her flying off the chair and sliding across the kitchen floor.

“Michi!” Haruka rushes over to the aquanette but the tablecloth wraps around the pianist’s ankle causing her to trip, Haruka eases herself up but a plate smashes on the top of her head putting her into a daze while the table cloth constricts around the lower half of her body.

Michiru props herself up onto her elbows when a handful of black pepper is sprinkled on her face making her cough and sneeze, “This spectre sure does like to fight dirty.”

Haruka is trying to loosen the fabric that is tightening around her legs, “Michiru, I need a big ass knife to cut through this cloth!”

“I...am a little...preoccupied...at the moment!” Michiru replied whilst a hovering bag of plain flour is repeatedly flinging the white powder at her.

“Screw a knife, I need a sword.” Haruka groaned as she struggled to break loose, that is when something dawns on her. “That’s it!” The sandy haired woman realised followed by the sound of the oven pinging.

“The cookies are done!” The aquanette called out.

“I just need to focus.” Haruka raises her right arm in the air summoning her Space Sword which manifests in her hand and starts to glow, “Space Sword Blaster!” The Wind Senshi swings the weapon downwards and it releases a wave of energy that slashes the cloth to pieces, freeing Haruka’s legs but also accidentally slicing the table in half. “Whoops.” Haruka leaps up onto her feet and grips the handle of the sword with both her hands, “HA! You wanna piece of me!” The long thin rug on the kitchen floor is yanked under Haruka’s feet; the race car driver is propelled to the ground whereas her sword clatters on the floor before disappearing, Haruka is able to ease her upper body onto the island countertop except a frying pan falls off the overhead rack and lands on top of her head.

A few minutes later, Setsuna and Hotaru step into the kitchen to find Michiru being bombarded with a variety of herbs and spices while Haruka is wrestling with a link of sausages that are roughly the length of a Boa Constrictor.

“I leave these two alone for an hour.” The time goddess muttered.

“Should we help?” Hotaru inquired.

“Leave it to me, Hime-chan stand back.” Setsuna advised persuading the ten year old to take cover behind the green haired woman who pulls out her Garnet Rod from literally nowhere and slams it on the ground unleashing a shockwave which causes the possessed objects to crash to the floor.

“Cool!” Hotaru said impressed.

* * *

 

“You rang?” Minako teased the aquanette the following afternoon; the long haired blonde is accompanied by the raven haired shrine maiden and they are standing outside the Outers’ open front door with Rei rolling her eyes at Minako’s greeting.

“But you rang my doorbell.” Michiru stated.

“Ignore her; she drank like five cans of soda on the drive here.” Rei approaches her aqua haired friend and the two greet each other with a warm hug.

“What about me?” Minako yanks the violinist by the arm and pulls her into a bone crushing hug. “Give momma some sugar!” Minako smothers Michiru’s face into her bosom. “I apologize if my nipple grazes you, that is because I am not wearing a bra.” The aquanette’s eyes widen and she shoves Minako away.

“What the fuck Mina?” Rei yelled.

“I was joking, sheesh lighten up Rei.” Minako replied.

“It is quite alright Rei; I am pretty much used to Mina’s antics.” Michiru leads the pair inside and into the living room where Minako claims the leather recliner while Michiru and Rei take a sit on the sofa; the Sea Senshi then pours three glasses of freshly-squeezed and ice cold lemonade from the tall glass pitcher positioned on the coffee table.

“So Ariel where is your blonde stallion?” Minako winked.

“Haruka went jogging and she should be back anytime.” Michiru giggles and hands her friends their drinks.

Minako takes a sip of her drink, “Wow Michiru this lemonade is the tits!”

However the three women are interrupted by the sound of the front door opening and closing followed by the sandy haired racer swaggering into the living room sporting her running attire consisting of a black sleeveless shirt and shorts with gold trim. “Oh thank god Rei is here!” Haruka holds her arms out gesturing for a hug but the priestess stares in disgust at the sweat dripping from the Wind Senshi’s forehead and not to mention her toned arms that are noticeably drenched with perspiration.

“I love you Haruka but you better back the fuck off. If you even get one bead of sweat on me then I will have to chastise you.”

“Fair deuce!” Haruka puts her hands up in surrender.

“That doesn’t mean you cannot hug me.” Minako leaps out of the recliner onto her feet and she squeezes the taller blonde in a hug. “I am used to having sweaty bodies pressed up against me.”

“I will take your word on it.” Haruka pulls out of the hug and she sits down on the sofa next to Michiru.

“So I hear there have been some strange occurrences at Casa de Outer.” Rei mentioned.

“That is why I called you here Rei, we were wondering if you could help us.” Michiru inquired.

“Of course, anything for my friends. Could you explain in detail about the paranormal activities?” The raven haired woman asked.

“About a week ago I saw purple smoke in the Deep Aqua Mirror and the next night Hotaru saw the same purple smoke in her closet.” The aquanette explained.

“Yeah and since then I have been terrorised by a little wooden anarchist!” Haruka added.

“Say what now?” Rei said confused.

“Hotaru found an old clown doll in the basement.” Michiru stated.

“And how is it an anarchist?” Rei then asked.

Haruka crosses her arms and lowers her brow, “Maybe because it keyed the shit out my Subaru Forester or that it likes to spike my ten year old’s tea parties with whiskey or the fact it likes to blackmail me with saucy pictures of my girlfriend...” Michiru raises an eyebrow at that previous statement before Haruka continues. “Or maybe because it set fire to my mustard wardrobe...which Michi was less than sympathetic about.”

“I cooked you a candlelight dinner.” Michiru pointed out. “Even though I think that doll did you a favour.”

“Aha! I knew it!” Haruka points an accusing finger at her girlfriend.

Rei intervenes, “Are you telling me that you called me over to help you with a possessed clown doll that enjoys vandalising cars, spiking Hotaru’s drinks and is a perverted arsonist?”

“Pretty much.” Haruka answered.

“That sounds legit.” Rei shrugged.

“That sounds like a movie I watched, it was about this American family who were being terrorised by a poltergeist.” Minako commented.

“You mean Poltergeist.” Haruka stated.

“That is what I just said.”

“No, the movie you were talking about is called Poltergeist.”

“I don’t think so.”

“Mina, I am telling you the movie you watched is Poltergeist.”

“No there was this clown toy that became possessed and attacked one of the children.”

“For fuck sake Mina, I have seen that movie like eighty times and I am telling you the name of the movie is Poltergeist!”

“Shut up!” Rei said in a raised voice prompting Haruka to pout whereas Minako pokes her tongue out at the race car driver. “I think it would help with my investigation if I stayed the night, is that alright with you two?”

“Do not be ridiculous Rei; you are more than welcome to stay.” Michiru replied.

“Yeah, I will swing by your place and get your shit.” Haruka offered.

“That is alright I can get it myself.” The priestess said through clenched teeth.

“No I insist since you are our guest.” The pianist said firmly.

“So you want to go to my place and get my overnight bag which includes fresh underwear?” Rei raises a sceptical eyebrow at the taller woman.

“Well...if you insist.” Haruka receives a playful nudge from the aquanette’s elbow.

“I will come over after I have done my daily shrine duties.” Rei replied.

“Poltergeist!” Minako yelled causing the others to stare at her with confused expressions. “The name of the movie was Poltergeist!”

“Can I slap her?” Haruka whispered to her aqua haired girlfriend.

* * *

 

“Is some of this furniture new?” Rei questioned while she glances around the Outer Senshi’s kitchen.

“Do you remember when I mentioned that I made Haruka a candlelight dinner?” Michiru opens a cabinet and grabs a bag of popcorn.

“Yes.” The priestess replied unsure where this conversation is going.

“During dinner the furniture, cutlery and even some of the food got possessed and attacked us.” Michiru explained as she empties the bag of popcorn into a bowl.

“That sounded like an enchanted evening.” The raven haired woman commented.

“Actually I have to admit it was pretty funny, particularly when Haruka was wrestling with a link of sausages on the kitchen floor.” Michiru and Rei giggle amongst themselves when Haruka strolls into the kitchen.

“Speak of the devil.” The priestess smirked.

“What are your plans for this evening darling?” Michiru asked the sandy haired blonde who pinches a piece of popcorn and throws it into her mouth.

“I will be retiring to the study where I will be divulging in some visual stories depicting crime fighting in a city overrun by psychopaths and criminals whilst I satisfy my taste buds with salted potato snacks.” Haruka said in a sophisticated manner.

“What?” Rei looks at Michiru mystified.

“She is going to lounge about in the study reading Batman comics while she scoffs down a can of Pringles.” The aquanette explained.

“What have you girls got planned?” Haruka inquired.

“We are going to eat junk food and watch a chick flick.” The priestess replied.

“Wow, an hour and a half of a straight woman pining over a clueless, pencil-necked douchebag. Word of advice, bring a pillow.” The pianist mocked before leisurely walking out of the kitchen through the archway and into the living room where she is startled to find the clown doll standing on the floor and with its back turned towards the TV.

“Joka, we meet again.” Haruka said in a low tone, the race car driver and the doll stare daggers at each other until Haruka notices the doll clenching its fists. “You wanna get nuts? Come on, let’s get nuts!” Haruka charges towards the possessed doll which bounces onto the coffee table and lunges onto the sandy haired blonde’s throat causing her to fall backwards onto the floor.

“Ruka, what is going on in here?” Michiru enters the living room to find the pianist lying on the floor with the clown doll standing on her chest while it throttles her. “WHAT THE HELL? HARUKA!” The aquanette rushes over to her sandy haired girlfriend.

“M-Michi...be c-careful...h-he is...m-much stronger than before!” Haruka warned whilst the doll has both hands firmly around her throat.

“Get off of her!” Michiru grabs the doll from behind but it whacks her with its arm sending the violinist flying over the sofa and smashing into the glass coffee table.

“HEY!” Haruka grabs the doll by the wrists and she is able to pull its hands away from her throat however it still has her pinned to the floor.

“WHAT THE FUCK?” Rei yelled after stepping into the room.

“A little help would be appreciated Rei!” Haruka called out encouraging the shorter woman to grab a baseball bat that is placed next to the sliding patio door.

“Have you ever danced with the devil by the pale moonlight?” Joka said in a maniacal voice.

“What?” Haruka said puzzled before Rei whacks the doll into a wall with the bat causing Joka to lay on the floor unconscious, the Wind Senshi leaps onto her feet and eases her girlfriend up from the pile of smashed glass. “Michi, are you okay?”

“Yes but I cannot say the same for Joka after I get my hands on him.” Michiru assured.

“Guys, where did he go?” Rei asked followed by the trio frantically glancing around the room when a vase is unexpectedly thrown at Haruka who is able to swiftly dodge it, the three women look in the direction the vase was thrown to find Joka standing on top of the grand piano.

“I have had just about enough of you terrorising my friends!” Rei pulls out an ofuda and she begins chanting, “Rin, Pyou, Tou, Sha, Kai, Jin, Retsu, Zai, Zen!”

“Ooh, Joka is in for it now.” Haruka said in a lowered voice to Michiru.

“Evil Spirits, Be Exorcised!” Rei throws the ofuda onto Joka’s face causing it to shriek in pain before dissolving into ashes that then disappear.

“That is what happens when the Joker tangles with the Batman!” Haruka said with a cocky smirk and her hands on her hips which lead Michiru and Rei to sigh.

* * *

 

“Did Rei explain what caused us to be terrorised by a homicidal doll?” Haruka asked with her arms folded behind her head as she lounges on the bed.

“According to Rei the purple smoke we saw before was a wandering spirit of a circus performer named Joka who was looking for a host so it could have a physical form and cause mischief, in that case it must have taken an immediate liking towards the clown doll.” Michiru explained while she lies on the bed next to the pianist.

“At least Joka has fucked off.” Haruka drapes an arm over the aquanette’s shoulder.

“I got you something from the electronics store.” Michiru reaches under the bed and hands Haruka a digital camcorder which lights up the sandy haired blonde’s face. “I got Ami to set it all up for you.”

“Michi, you beautiful porpoise.” Haruka kisses the violinist on the lips.

“You are such a flatterer.” Michiru grabs the camera from the taller woman and she flips open the screen before leaning across and placing it on Haruka’s nightstand with the camera aimed at them.

“Michi, what are you doing?” Haruka said confused.

“What does it look like I am doing?” Michiru starts kissing Haruka’s neck.

“The red light is on.” Haruka pointed out.

“So?” Michiru replied in a seductive voice.

“Awesome sauce!” Haruka said with a devious smirk.


	6. Cabin in the Forest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haruka and Michiru go to Haruka's father's cabin for the weekend with the Inner Senshi.

A black Subaru Forester is leisurely driving on a highway on the outskirts of a dense forest while ‘Don’t Wanna Fall In Love by Jane Child’ is playing on the car radio to the annoyance of the driver and the passengers except one long haired blonde who is bopping her head along to the music.

_‘Don’t you know what your kiss is doing,  
Let me tell it to you from the start, boy.’_

“Oh, this is the best part!” The aspiring idol leans forward between the two front seats and turns the volume dial up on the car stereo.

 _“I don’t wanna fall in love, Love cuts just like a knife.”_ Minako sang at the top of her lungs, deliberately off-key to irritate her raven haired companion who has got her arms crossed as she glares at the blonde from the corner of her eye. _“You make the knife feel good; I’ll fight you to the end, baby!”_

“Shut up!” Rei yelled infuriated prompting the aquanette in the front passenger seat to turn off the radio.

“It was ironic however how Minako was singing along to a song about not wanting to fall in love even though she is the Senshi of Love and Beauty.” The brunette seated on the other side of the long haired blonde pointed out.

“I don’t necessarily agree with the lyrics but I do like its catchy beat.” Minako winked.

Rei sighs out of boredom, “How far is your father’s cabin Haruka?”

“We should get there in about half an hour.” The sandy haired blonde replied into the rear-view mirror while keeping an eye on the road.

“I know a game we can play.” A voice called out from behind the backseat, Makoto gazes over her shoulder where she notices the short haired bluenette lounging across a Batman blanket on the floor whilst she is focusing on the screen of her laptop. “Sorry Ami, I forgot you were back there.”

“What game do you have in mind Ami?” Michiru inquired.

“Have you heard of Zitch Dog?” Ami questioned.

“Alright Zitch Dog, I am the champion of that game!” Haruka said proudly.

“What are the rules?” Minako asked.

“You basically point and say Zitch Dog whenever you see a dog, but the other players have to see the dog as well for you to get a point and whoever has the most points wins.” Haruka explained.

“Sounds simple enough.” Rei stated followed by the group looking out the nearest window.

“Zitch Dog!” Haruka points her index finger at a Cocker Spaniel which has its head out a window of a passing car. “One point for Tenoh.”

“We will see about that.” Makoto mumbled.

“ZITCH DOG!” Minako stretches her arm between the front seats and points at the metal trailer that is being towed by the car in front.

“Mina that is a horse!” Rei corrected.

“Whose owner is taking up half of the fucking road!” Haruka added in frustration before steering the car off the highway at the next turning and onto a dirt road through the dense forest. “Good thing I know a shortcut.”

“Welcome to Jurassic Park!” Minako announced.

“Death awaits who enters there!” Ami said in an ominous voice.

“Pipe down back there!” Haruka ordered prompting Ami to slowly lower her head back down behind the backseat.

Michiru notices the large clear lake out of Haruka’s window, “Ooh, what a beautiful lake.”

“There is a legend about that lake.” The sandy haired blonde stated.

“Do tell.” Minako said with a mischievous smile.

“In the summer of 1958, a young boy drowned in the lake due to a horny camp councillor who was preoccupied with porking his slutty councillor girlfriend when he should have been watching the boy.” Haruka replied.

“That sounds terrible.” Makoto said a bit overdramatically.

Haruka continues, “Twenty-one years later, on June 13th, 1979, a teenager named Annie enters a diner and asks for directions to the camp by the lake. The patrons react with shock, but a trucker offers to take her halfway to the camp. They run into Ralph, the town crazy, who warns her that the camp-”

“Can we have the short version please?” Rei interrupted.

Haruka sighs, “Fine! Anyway, Annie gets killed along with her friends by the boy’s vengeful soccer mom but she gets decapitated by camp councillor Barbie who escapes on a canoe into the lake, however she gets attacked by the boy who drowned and five years later he terrorises the same camp when they get new councillors, he kills the councillors even though he is wearing a potato sack on his head since he is butt fuck ugly.” The other women stare at each other confused except Ami who is leaning over the backseat whilst she rubs her chin as she is fascinated by the legend.

“Long story short, every Friday the 13th he rises from the lake and kills again.” Haruka added which encourages Makoto to pull out her smartphone out of her khaki shorts and display today’s date on her phone’s calendar which is Friday 13th causing Makoto to gawk at her phone screen.

“This guy wouldn’t happen to be called Jason Voorhees now, would he?” Michiru raises a sceptical eyebrow.

“No, his name is...Ricky!” Haruka replied with beads of sweat rolling down the side of her face.

“Ricky?” Michiru questioned.

“Yes Ricky, Ricky...Spanish.” Haruka said with a sheepish grin.

“Ricky Spanish? That has got to be the most fucking ridiculous name I have ever heard!” Rei said in a raised voice.

“Well don’t come crying to me when Ricky Spanish breaks into your room at night.” Haruka teased.

“Ricky Spanish.” Minako whispered in a spooky voice.

“Deer.” Michiru gains the attention of the sandy haired woman.

“What is it Michi?” Haruka asked.

“No there is a deer on the road.” The aquanette stated prompting Haruka to slam her foot on the brakes and the SUV stops right in front of the grazing male Sika deer.

“Get out of the road you Christmas decoration!” Haruka repeatedly honks her horn causing the deer to prance away into the forest.

“They are such majestic creatures.” Makoto commented in awe prior to the deer unexpectedly being killed and dragged off by an Asian black bear causing the group to gasp in shock, excluding Ami who is intrigued and is recording the whole thing on her phone.

* * *

 

“Ricky fucking Spanish, you have got to be fucking kidding me! Fucking Haruka and her wild fucking stories!” The priestess grumbled while dragging her wheeled, red suitcase behind her by the extended handle despite the fact it is being thrashed about due to the logs of wood planted on the ground that lead up the small hill to the cabin, when she enters the cabin she loudly slams the front door behind her.

Meanwhile Haruka is unloading the luggage off the roof of the car where she slides off a large, light blue suitcase. “Ami, here is your suitcase.”

“Thank you Haruka.” Ami holds her arms out to carry the suitcase however Haruka abruptly tosses it into the bluenette’s arms which sends her flying backwards onto the ground.

“I cannot move.” Ami said with her voice muffled by the suitcase lying on top of her which leads Makoto to shove the suitcase off her companion and pickup and carry the med student bridal style.

“Ferris Bueller, you’re my hero.” Ami said with her arms around the robust woman’s neck.

Inside the cabin Rei is standing in the very spacious living room and she is observing the impressive modern interior filled with the latest gadgets and appliances including a stone fireplace. “Perhaps this weekend won’t suck so much after all.”

Haruka kicks open the foot door with a horde of bags strapped over her shoulders and she is carrying a suitcase in each of her hands. “MPD, FREEZE!”

Rei stares at the taller woman unimpressed.

“Nice digs!” Makoto follows Haruka into the cabin and she is carrying the large suitcase while giving Ami a piggyback ride.

Minako struts out of the room she is sharing with Rei and into the living room. “Haruka, you didn’t mention that your father keeps a cat here.”

“That is because he doesn't.” Haruka drops the bags and suitcases in the middle of the room with the other luggage. “Wait, what cat?”

“There is a cat sleeping on Rei’s bed.” Minako replied.

“Why is there a cat on my bed?” The priestess said annoyed, Michiru steps out of the kitchen and into the living room. “What is going on here?”

“Apparently a cat has snuck in and decided to sleep on Rei’s bed.” Ami said whilst hopping off the brunette’s back.

“How? We are literally in the middle of nowhere.” The aquanette stated.

“Let’s check it out.” Makoto flings the large suitcase across the room and it lands on the wooden coffee table causing the legs to collapse.

The group of women rush out of the living room and down the hall before stopping outside the bedroom door, Haruka slowly turns the door knob and creaks the door open ajar to peek into the room where she notices a medium-sized reddish-straw coloured ball of fur nestling on the sheets of Rei’s bed. “That is a weird looking cat.” The animal in question lifts its head up and stares at the sandy haired woman.

“Mina that is not a cat, it is a racoon dog.” Haruka said in a lowered voice.

Minako peers her head around the door, “Can we keep it?”

“No, and get it off of my bed.” Rei replied.

“Mako can I borrow your jacket?” Haruka asked.

“I suppose so.” Makoto removes her emerald letterman jacket and hands it to the taller woman who holds it open and waves it towards the wild animal which startles it forcing it to climb out the window and scurry into the forest.

“Here you go Mako.” Haruka tosses the jacket back to Makoto which whacks her in the face.

Makoto ties the jacket around her waist, “Thanks...I guess.”

“If you want Rei, I can wash your sheets for you.” Michiru offered.

“Thank you Michiru that would be great.” Rei said in appreciation.

“Yeah you don’t want your bed reeking of racoon piss.” Minako teased prompting Rei to scowl at the long haired blonde.

* * *

 

After everyone has unpacked, Makoto is preparing lunch with the assistance of Minako while Ami is leading the rest of the group on a nature trail through the forest, the bluenette is sporting a tan wide-brim ranger hat along with a pair of binoculars hanging around her neck and she is using a tall wooden stick as a cane.

Haruka lowers her aviators to get a better view of the shorter woman’s attire, “What is with the getup Ami?”

“I get a little overexcited on nature walks.” Ami replied nervously.

“We kind of gathered.” Rei commented.

Ami puts a finger on the raven haired woman’s lips to silence her, “Shh! Can you hear that?”

The group can hear a shrieking squawk in the distance.

“Now who can name that species of bird?”

“Hmmm, is it a sparrowhawk?” Michiru guessed.

“Congratulations Michiru you have earned a butter candy.” Ami unzips her cobalt fanny pack and pulls out a Werther’s Original that she then hands the aquanette.

“Oooh!” Michiru delicately unwraps the candy.

“You never mentioned we get sweets for answering questions correctly!” Haruka complained.

“Actually she did before we set off on the hike.” Rei pointed out.

“Oh, I probably was not paying attention.” Haruka said whilst rubbing the back of her neck.

“Also Michiru, for getting a correct answer you get ten points to Hufflepuff.” Ami added.

Rei sighs, “Are you telling me that you put each of us in a house of Hogwarts?”

Ami smiles and nods, “Michiru is in Hufflepuff, Haruka is in Gryffindor and Rei no offense but you are in Slytherin.”

“Alright I’m in Gryffindor!” Haruka punches the air in delight.

“I do like snakes.” Rei muttered to herself.

A large rodent-like creature with a bushy tail scampers out of some nearby foliage and dashes down the trail.

“Who’s that animal?” Ami asked theatrically while she points her stick at the creature.

“Ha, that is a weasel!” Haruka said confidently with a smirk, but Ami whacks her stick on the sandy haired woman’s knuckles. “OW!” Haruka shakes her hand in pain and glares at the bluenette.

“I think it is a marten.” Michiru assumed.

“Ten points to Hufflepuff!” Ami declared and she rewards the aquanette with another butter candy.

“Don’t worry Ruka; you will get one right eventually.” Michiru playfully teased.

“At least my house mascot is not a badger.” Haruka grumbled.

“Name this!” Ami points her stick at a snake curled up by a rock.

“It is a trouser snake.” The race car driver joked followed by her getting poked in the stomach by Ami’s stick.

Rei is about to answer but Michiru intervenes, “That is a forest rat snake.”

“Dammit Michiru!” The shrine maiden crosses her arms in a huff.

“Well done Michiru, I am impressed. Ten points to Hufflepuff.” Ami rewards the aquanette with yet another butter candy.

“Teacher’s pet.” Haruka said disgruntled.

“Senshi dropout.” Michiru replied.

“What the fuck Michi?” The sandy haired woman said astonished.

“I am so sorry Ruka; I don’t know what came over me.” The aquanette assured.

“You were the one who failed the assault course that you setup at your parents’ beach house when we first became Senshi.” Haruka mentioned.

“Only because you tampered with it!” Michiru said in her defence.

“You have to admit it was pretty funny.” Haruka said amused.

“I was attacked by a pod of territorial sea lions!” The violinist said with her hands on her hips.

“Sea lions?” Rei said confused.

Ami averts her gaze into the forest where she notices a pair of deer, one male and one female is grazing. “What species of deer is that?”

“Elk!” Haruka said frantically.

“We do not get elk in Japan.” Michiru stated.

“I am not thinking straight, I don’t want to get whacked by Ami’s stick again.” Haruka said nervously.

“Too late for that.” The bluenette said in a sinister voice followed by her whacking the sandy haired woman on her left knee with her stick which causes Haruka to fall to the ground and clutch her knee.

“Anyone else?” Ami asked when a bear abruptly charges towards the deer and kills the male before dragging it off deeper into the forest.

“Asian black bear!” Rei said confidently.

“Ten points to Slytherin!” Ami rewards the priestess a butter candy.

“Ha! In your face Tenoh!” Rei taunted the taller woman who is slouching on the ground while Michiru wraps Haruka’s wounded knee with her turquoise silk scarf.

“Congratulations Rei, even though I asked what the species of deer was.” Ami stated.

“What?” The raven haired woman said puzzled prompting Ami to spray Rei in the face with water. “Knock that off!” Rei whacks the bottle out of the bluenette’s hands and it rolls down the mountainside.

“They were Sika deer!” Michiru realised.

“Ten points to Hufflepuff!” Ami hands the aquanette a Werther’s Original.

“For fuck sake!” Haruka groaned as Michiru helps the race car driver to her feet.

“Haruka you still have a chance to win if you get the one hundred point answer which I call the Golden Snitch.” Ami assured.

“Ooh that sounds interesting.” Rei said intrigued.

“One hundred points is rewarded to the one who can correctly identify a cicada.” The bluenette declared.

“What the fuck is a cicada?” Haruka said whilst scratching her neck.

“It is an insect you fucking moron.” Rei retorted.

“Alright, I just did not know that.” Haruka said defensively.

“Cicadas are closely related to leafhoppers and spittlebugs.” Michiru added.

“Ten points to Hufflepuff!” Ami lobs a butter candy towards the aquanette who catches it with ease.

“What the fuck?” Haruka and Rei said in unison.

“Let’s make things interesting.” Ami points her stick towards a scrambling evergreen shrub with fragrant yellow flowers. “Name that plant.”

“Oh I know this.” Michiru inspects the plant, “Bush clover?”

A pebble unexpectedly hits the aquanette on her upper chest. “Ow Ami!”

“Try again.” Ami is holding a handful of pebbles.

“And I thought the stick was bad.” Haruka said in a lowered voice to the priestess.

“Try again.” The blue haired woman repeated.

“Flowers are not really my specialty.” Haruka said with a sheepish grin.

“Buttercup?” Rei slumps her shoulders and sighs, “Even I have to admit that was pretty idiotic.” A pebble hits the shrine maiden on the forehead. “Motherf-!”

Ami leans her face towards the priestess, “Watch your language.”

“Is it a species of honeysuckle?” Michiru guessed prompting Ami to fling a pebble at the aquanette. “Ow, that was my boob!”

“Where is Mako when you need her?” The race car driver sighed.

“If one of you guesses the plant incorrectly then the whole group will be punished.” Ami is jiggling the pebbles in her hand.

The three other women gulp.

“Now. Name. That. Shrub.” The bluenette said in a strict manner.

Haruka clears her throat and rubs the back of her neck, “Snowbell?”

Michiru and Rei slowly turn their heads towards the taller woman and glare at her.

* * *

 

 _“Loo loo loo, I’m chopping some vegetables, loo loo loo, and I am putting them in this stew.”_ Minako whimsically sang whilst chopping carrots.

Makoto pauses chopping the onions, “Mina we are not cooking a stew, we are making sandwiches.”

“Oh...so I don’t need to chop these vegetables then.” Minako empties the bowl of chopped vegetables out of the window.

Makoto heavily grunts prior to hearing people screaming in the distance, “Those screams sound familiar.”

Haruka, Michiru and Rei are sprinting up the hill that leads to the cabin while Ami bombards them with pebbles shortly behind.

“HARUKA, YOU FUCKER!” The priestess yell infuriated.

“I DID SAY FLOWERS WEREN’T MY SPECIALTY!” Haruka shouted back.

The three dart to the front door where Michiru repeatedly bangs on it with her fists, “SANCTUARY! SANCTUARY!”

Minako opens the door with a mischievous smile on her face, “You rang.”

The trio shove the long haired blonde to the side and dart into the living room.

“What is going on?” Makoto asked as she steps out of the kitchen wearing a frilly pink apron, she then observes Ami jogging into the cabin wielding a tall wooden stick in one hand and a handful of pebbles in the other. “And why has Ami got a big ass stick?”

“Stand back from her Mako! She looks like a sweet and innocent medical school student when in fact she is a diabolical mastermind!” Haruka warned.

“Tell me something I don’t know.” Makoto shrugged; afterwards she approaches the blue haired genius and holds out her hand. “Fork over the pebbles.”

Ami complies and hands the tall brunette the small rocks which Makoto carries to the open front door and tosses them down the mound, she turns away to close the door but she stops in her tracks when she hears the sound of glass loudly smashing. Makoto swiftly turns around and she gazes down the hill where the SUV is parked to find its rear window is smashed to pieces. “Shit.”

* * *

 

The group of women are sitting around the dining table which has a large plate of sandwiches on the centre of the table; Makoto and Minako are each munching on their food whereas Haruka, Michiru and Rei are staring fiercely at Ami while they chew on their sandwiches.

“I do apologise, I kind of went rogue.” The bluenette smiled innocently.

“Kind of? You went apeshit.” Rei remarked.

“What exactly happened on that hike?” Makoto asked out of curiosity.

“Nothing much.” Michiru dismissed.

“Look at my knee woman!” Haruka points to her wounded knee which has an icepack strapped around it.

“Quit your complaining you get a soothing massage out of it from Ariel.” Minako whispered to the taller blonde followed by her gesturing towards the aquanette. “Wink!” The long haired blonde coyly winked.

“You’re good Mina, too good.” Haruka said with a devious grin.

“Bitch please!” Minako holds her hand up to the sandy haired woman’s face.

Ami shifts her eyes around the table before turning her head towards Makoto, “Mako did you bring the secret ingredient for the brownies?”

Makoto pats down the pockets of her khaki shorts, “Shit.”

Ami gets out her miniature supercomputer and uses it to get up a map of the area, “Don’t worry there is a patch that grows the stuff just northeast of the lake, we will go under the cover of darkness."

Makoto sticks both her thumbs up and she gives the bluenette a cheesy grin.

“What are you two talking about?” Rei questioned.

“We are comparing the sizes of our boyfriend’s penises.” Ami replied firmly.

The raven haired woman turns her head away in grimace, she is about to take a bite of her sandwich when she realises something. “Wait a sec, you two don’t have boyfriends!”

“Oh!” Ami said dumbfounded.

* * *

 

Later that afternoon, Minako and Rei are reading magazines in their bikinis on lounge chairs which are situated on the patio. Michiru is in the kitchen making lemonade whereas Haruka and Makoto are having a friendly game of American football, meanwhile Ami is wearing a garden hat and gloves as she studies the plant life surrounding the cabin even though she appears to be removing the weeds.

“You have ruined your last garden.” Ami yanks the weed out of the ground and flings it over her shoulder which lands on Rei’s magazine.

The priestess raises her sunglasses and tosses the weed away, “Ami watch where you throw those plants.”

“You could use it as a bookmark.” Minako chuckled.

“Fuck off.” Rei said in a lowered voice and she resumes with reading her magazine, however she perceives a tall, dark figure in the trees nearby. “Mina.” The raven haired woman casually nudges Minako with her elbow.

“Wot’s up toots?” The long haired blonde happily replied.

“I think someone is watching us from behind those trees.” Rei whispered.

“Really?” Minako said in an alluring tone. “See something you like?” The aspiring idol called out whilst adjusting her bikini top.

“What has set her off now?” Makoto sighed.

“There is a Curious George perving out on us.” Minako said with a seductive smile.

“What is there a chimpanzee in the forest?” The tall brunette glances at the trees.

“Not an ape, a person.” Rei said through gritted teeth.

Haruka straightens her back and crosses her arms, “What you talkin’ ‘bout, Hino?”

“What is this about an ape?” Ami asked whilst she picks out empty snail shells out of the dirt.

“I was probably just seeing things.” Rei dismissed and the pair continues with their football match while Rei and Minako lounge back in their chairs and sunbathe.

“That is all the snail shells.” Ami tosses the small pile of snail shells over her shoulder when Michiru steps out onto the patio carrying a tray with six glasses of lemonade.

“Who wants lemon-?” The snail shells land in the ice-cold beverages and she stares at the shells floating in the drinks in disgust. “Never mind.” The aquanette carries the refreshments back inside and she starts making a fresh batch.

Haruka leans down to the ground holding the football in a starting position when Makoto approaches her from behind and begins shouting random numbers. “Mako, what the fuck?”

“That is how the pros do it.” Makoto said in her defence.

Ami picks up a handful of soil and inspects it, “This soil is too dry.” Ami flings the soil over her shoulder and it lands on the sunbathing Rei’s stomach.

“AMI! WHAT THE F!” The priestess yelled followed by her brushing the soil off which Minako is oblivious to as she is listening to pop music on her iPod.

“HUT, HUT!” Makoto shouted leading Haruka to toss the football between her legs and into Makoto’s hands, the tall brunette gallops with the ball across the large patch of grass while Haruka dashes to the other side to get into position.

Meanwhile Ami is observing a flowerpot that has multiple cracks, “This flowerpot is practically useless.”

Makoto rockets the football towards the sandy haired woman who easily catches the ball before she sprints across the grass, Ami tosses the flowerpot over her shoulder and it smashes on Haruka’s head causing her to run and get tangled in Rei’s bed sheet that was hanging out to dry on a laundry line.

“Who wants lemonade?” Michiru again steps out onto the patio carrying a tray with six glasses of lemonade when she notices Haruka wrestling under a bed sheet on the ground. “What on earth is going on out here?”

Rei lowers her sunglasses, “Is that my bed sheet?”

“Haruka quit farting around.” Makoto said with her hands on her hips prompting the tall blonde to rip the sheet off of her and fling it into a bush.

“Haruka, you fucking dick!” Rei said infuriated.

“Jeez relax Pyro; there are some spare sheets in mine and Michi’s room.” Haruka pointed out whilst she leapt to her feet.

“Why didn’t you mention this earlier?” The raven haired woman said through gritted teeth.

“Blonde moment!” Haruka said with a sheepish grin.

* * *

 

Makoto is slicing a variety of peppers for the pizzas she is cooking for dinner on the wooden chopping board in the kitchen while Minako is putting a tray of handmade cookies into the oven before stepping out of the kitchen whereas Haruka enters the room.

“That was a good game of tossing the pigskin…excluding the flowerpot incident.” Haruka said whilst rolling her shoulders.

“You have to admit it was pretty funny.” Makoto said amused.

“Yeah, even though I was winning.” Haruka stated.

“I think that flowerpot hit you on the head harder than you thought because I was winning.” Makoto commented.

“Bullshit.” The race car driver coughed into her hand.

Makoto puts her kitchen knife down on the counter and she turns to face the taller woman followed by her grabbing a small jar of chilli peppers. “Oh yeah, can you do this?” The brunette twists the jar open and eats a whole chilli with ease.

“You wanna dance Kino? Let’s dance!” Haruka yanks a lemon from a fruit bowl and takes a huge bite of the citrus fruit causing her eyes to water and her lips to shrivel up due to the sour flavour.

“Not bad.” Makoto smirked, she lifts the jar of chillies to her lips when she perceives a figure standing next to a tree in the distance out of the kitchen window from the corner of her eye.

“Come on Mako, I thought you were the Soldier of Thunder and Courage.” Haruka taunted with her arms crossed.

Makoto averts her gaze back to the sandy haired blonde.

“Chug! Chug! Chug!” Haruka chanted.

Makoto glances out of the window and she notices that the figure has disappeared.

“Chug! Chug! Chug!” Haruka continued to chant.

Makoto shrugs and chugs down the jar of chillies without breaking a sweat.

“What the fuck!” Haruka said awestruck.

“What’s the matter Tenoh, can’t you take the heat!” Makoto said smugly.

Haruka lowers her brow, “Let’s get dangerous!”

“Uh-oh.” Makoto grumbled.

“AMI, RELEASE THE KRAKEN!” Haruka commanded prompting the bluenette to enter the kitchen in a full hazmat suit whilst she is wielding a pair of tongs that are gripping a long and orange chilli pepper.

“Ah, that reeks!” Makoto said while she covers her nose with an oven mitt.

“Mako, I present to you the Kraken chilli pepper!” Haruka gestures to the spicy food followed by Ami placing the chilli in the race car driver’s hand with the tongs.

“Haruka you can’t eat that chilli pepper, that thing could power up Godzilla’s atomic breath!” Makoto warned.

“Then you better evacuate Tokyo because Godzilla is going to own King Ghidorah!” Haruka scoffs down the chilli and smirks.

* * *

 

**HALF AN HOUR LATER**

Haruka is lying across the sofa where she is resting her head on Michiru’s lap whilst she clutches her stomach in pain. “Argh, it feels like I have been impregnated by an alien lifeform!” Haruka said through gritted teeth.

“Makoto Kino is still the champion of spicy food!” Makoto stands up in front of the fireplace and she flexes her muscles in different poses before she abruptly farts into the fireplace which antagonises the fire. “Oops!”

“Mako you should probably sit away from the fireplace before you burn the cabin down.” Michiru suggested followed by the brunette sitting down next to Ami around the coffee table whereas Rei is lounging across an armchair while Minako is icing her batch of cookies in the kitchen.

“If Mina has baked penis-shaped cookies I am going to beat her with a rolling pin.” The priestess warned.

“Give Mina some credit, she is not completely immature.” Ami said in the long haired blonde’s defence.

“Who wants Jizz Cookies?” Minako steps into the living room holding a tray of cookies that have white icing dripping down the sides.

“I stand corrected.” Ami grabs a cookie from the tray.

“I think I prefer Mina’s Cock Cookies.” Makoto commented.

Minako offers Rei a cookie but the icing drips all over the raven haired woman’s hand, “Aww Mina, the icing is still wet!”

“Here Haruka, one of my Jizz Cookies will help with your stomach cramps.” Minako hands the taller woman a cookie.

Haruka reluctantly munches on the cookie, “Actually these are pretty good.”

Ami scoffs down her cookie and smiles in satisfaction.

“Look everyone, Ami swallows!” Minako playfully teased.

“MINAKO, THAT IS SICK!” Michiru shoots up from her seat which causes Haruka to whack her head on the armrest as the aquanette storms up to her room in disgust.

“I should probably go up there and calm her down.” Haruka suggested before taking a stack of cookies with her upstairs.

“Yeah, you should do that.” Rei said with disinterest since is preoccupied with scrolling through the internet on her phone; however she notices Makoto and Ami putting on their jackets and grabbing green glow sticks. “Where are you two going?”

“We are going for a walk in the forest to observe the nocturnal wildlife.” Makoto replied.

“Doggers?” Minako said confused.

“No!” Makoto said shocked before her and Ami exit the cabin.

* * *

 

“Seriously I cannot believe that woman some times.” Michiru ranted as she paced around the bedroom she is sharing with Haruka who is rummaging through the bedside table on her side of the bed.

“You love her really.” The sandy haired racer stated.

Michiru sighs, “Yeah.”

“Plus every group needs a sex maniac.” Haruka added. “Now where is my MP3 player?”

* * *

 

 _“You’re motoring, what’s your price for flight.”_ Makoto sang whilst listening to ‘Sister Christian by Night Ranger’ on Haruka’s MP3 player. _“In finding mister right, you’ll be alright tonight!”_ The culinary major continued to sing while she uses a pair of glow sticks as drumsticks, however she turns off the MP3 player when she notices Ami is standing in a creepy manner in front of the patch of weed. “Ami are you okay?” Makoto asked nervously.

“We have found our objective aka the secret ingredient for your pot brownies.” Ami confirmed.

“Let me inspect it in case it is carrot tops like last time.” Makoto advances towards the bush and examines it whereas Ami inhales its potent scent.

“It is rather intoxicating.” The bluenette commented while Makoto is picking some weed and storing it in a plastic sandwich bag.

“There, that should be enough for the batch of brownies.” Makoto places the plastic bag in her jacket pocket.

“Mako…you don’t smoke that stuff, do you?” Ami asked curiously.

“No, I just use it in some of my cooking.” Makoto replied when they hear a twig snap in the distance.

“WTF?” Ami said startled.

“Relax Aims; it is probably just a deer. I think inhaling some of the weed has made you a bit jumpy.” Makoto assured.

Ami then starts to hear heavy breathing from behind her encouraging her to swiftly turn around but there is nothing there, “Mako can we go back to the cabin now because this forest is starting to creep me out?”

Makoto perceives a shadow darting across the forest from the corner of her eye, “Good idea.”

* * *

 

Meanwhile back in the cabin, Minako is polishing Rei’s toenails on the priestess’ bed after Rei polished the performing arts major’s fingernails and toenails.

“Do you think I should apologise to Michiru?” Minako inquired.

“Yep.” Rei replied.

“I will go do that now.” Minako playfully whispered, she slides off the bed and walks on the heels of her feet due to the fact her nail polish is still wet.

Rei rolls her eyes at her companion, “Be careful when going up the stairs.”

“No need to worry Rei, I have got the reflexes of a cat!” Minako called out as she leaves the room followed by the sound of her tripping on the hardwood floor and a vase smashing.

* * *

 

In Haruka and Michiru’s room, the aquanette is drawing in her sketchbook whilst she is lounging on the bed with Haruka, who is playing Need for Speed on her PSP.

“Vroom, vroom motherfucker!” Haruka taunted the other racers on her game.

Michiru lowers her pencil, “Do you think I overreacted earlier?”

“Slightly perhaps, but I did thought it was funny.” Haruka said amused.

“My mother does always say I can be bit of a drama queen.” Michiru pointed out before the couple are interrupted by the sound of what appears to be an animal scratching at their door. “What is that?”

“It better not be that raccoon dog.” Haruka grumbled whereas Michiru opens the door to find Minako with a huge grin on her face.

“Hey Ariel, I am sorry about earlier.” The long haired blonde hugs Michiru in apology.

“That is alright, I apologise for overreacting.” The violinist replied.

“If you are really sorry then kiss each other.” Haruka said with a devious smirk.

“Pucker up.” Minako teased the aquanette, who slowly closes the door on the Senshi of Love and Beauty.

“What is in those cookies?” Michiru commented.

“I haven’t a clue love but what I do know is that I want you in this bed, if you catch my meaning. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge.” Haruka pulls back the bedcover on the violinist’s side of the bed and she pats the mattress with a seductive grin on her face.

Michiru shrugs, “I have no objections.”

* * *

 

Later that evening after Makoto and Ami have sneaked back into the cabin, Ami is awoken by a series of loud noises that sound like tree branches snapping. The bluenette cautiously creeps down the stairs in her powder blue footed pajamas wielding her tall wooden stick, she slowly advances towards the front door when a strong hand grabs her shoulder which startles Ami prompting her to swing her stick as she turns around but it snaps in half when it connects with her supposed attacker’s abdomen. However she is relieved to find it is only Makoto, who has hardly a scratch on her body and is wearing a dark green and white American football jersey with a pair of dark green shorts.

“Easy Aims, I did not mean to startle you.” Makoto assured.

“Where did you come from?” Ami said puzzled.

“I was in the kitchen getting a snack.” The brunette replied.

“Oh, okay.” Ami then realizes that half of her new toy is lying on the floor, “WOODY!”

“Jeez relax Ami; there are plenty of sticks lying around in the forest.” A voice called out from behind them, the duo turn around to find Rei standing in the hallway that leads to her room clad in a red baggy crop top along with a pair of black cropped sweatpants.

Minako then emerges from behind the priestess with an eye mask above her eyes and she is clothed in an orange silk nightgown and matching robe when she lets out a theatrical yawn, “Who wakes me from my slumber?”

Rei stares accusingly at Ami, “Who are you terrorising with that stick now?” The priestess then observes the tall brunette, who has her back turned as she gazes out of the window making her wedgie highly visible. “And Mako, can you please adjust your shorts?” Rei said in a raised voice whilst she shields her eyes with her hand.

“Huh?” Makoto peeks over her shoulder where she realizes her shorts have indeed ridden up her behind encouraging her to swiftly rearrange her bottoms, “Oops, sorry.”

“Can you keep your voices down? Some of us are trying to have sex over here!” A husky voice shouted from the top of the stairs, the group of women shift their attention to the race car driver whose sandy blonde hair is looking more windswept than usual and she has thrown on a white V-neck top and a pair of navy blue boxer shorts, standing next to her is Michiru who is modelling her girlfriend’s blue flannel shirt which loosely fits her due to their height differences.

“I didn’t need to know that!” Rei barked.

“What is with all the hubbub?” Haruka inquired, the couple swaggers down the stairs and they join the others by the front door.

“I heard strange noises coming from outside.” Ami replied.

“It could be a wild animal, a bear perhaps.” Michiru assumed.

Minako then perceives the red lipstick marks that trail down the side of Haruka’s neck and collarbone, “Ooh Michiru, I like the colour of that lipstick. What shade is that?”

“It is called none of your damn business!” Haruka snapped.

Michiru playfully nudges the taller woman, “Don’t mind Haruka, she gets a bit cranky when people interrupt her-“

“Hammertime.” Makoto intervened.

“Coitus.” Ami interjected.

“Hanky panky!” Minako cheered.

“Can we just say sex?” Rei said in frustration.

Michiru blushes and she clears her throat, “Oh and Mina the shade of lipstick is Rules of Attraction, and you can buy it from Setsuna’s Avon catalogue.”

The strange noises from outside suddenly get louder.

“I’m gonna check it out.” Haruka slowly approaches the front door.

“Stay frosty.” Ami whispered loudly.

Haruka opens the door unleashing a cold breeze into the cabin which causes Minako to have a sneezing frenzy.

“Oh my god, I have got cabin fever!” The long haired blonde said hysterically.

Makoto begins to frantically scratch her sides, “I think I’ve got it too!”

“That is not what cabin fever is!” Rei irately pointed out.

“Miss Hino is quite correct.” Ami stated as she adjusts her glasses.

Michiru’s gaze averts to the bottom of the hill and her eyes widen when she notices the creepy figure standing next to the SUV. The figure is male, he is fairly tall with broad shoulders and he is wearing a black boiler suit that is covered in dirt and mud in addition to the potato sack that is covering his head except for the hole that reveals his right eye. “Ladies, there is a peculiar man wearing a potato sack on his head standing at the bottom of the hill.”

“Tell him to piss off!” The shrine maiden remarked.

“Potato sack?” Makoto repeated and she pokes her head out the door where she gawks at the sight of the creepy figure.

“Ricky Spanish.” Minako whispered in a spooky voice.

“That is ridiculous, I made him up.” Haruka stated.

“I will be the judge of that.” Ami presses the blue stud on her left lobe, “Battle systems activate!” A transparent blue visor appears across Ami’s eyes.

“I thought you could only use your visor when you are Sailor Mercury?” Makoto said baffled.

“I could but…” Ami is menacingly smirking over her shoulder, “I made a few upgrades.”

Minako cowers behind the tall brunette, “Mako, hold me.”

Ami uses her visor to scan the figure, “According to my visor he or it is definitely supernatural.”

The figure takes a few steps back where he retrieves an old wood axe from behind the SUV.

“Oh my god his got an axe!” Ami squirmed.

“Okay ladies, let’s transform and kick his ass!” Minako declared.

“It’s morphin’ time!” Haruka energetically yelled.

The group all take out their transformation rods.

“URANUS!” Haruka roared.

“Jupiter!” Makoto shouted.

“Neptune!” Michiru flips her aquamarine locks.

“Mercury!” Ami shouted with a dark expression on her face.

“Venus!” Minako winks.

“Mars.” Rei sighed.

“Crystal Power, Make-Up!” They all shouted in unison whilst holding their rods in the air.

The creepy figure stares at the group of women dumbfounded whilst they transform, after their transformation Sailor Mercury re-activates her visor.

Sailor Venus tosses her long blonde hair over her shoulder and she rubs her body from her breasts down to her thighs, “Aww, that feels so much better.”

The bag-headed man gawks at the Senshi of Love and Beauty in arousal.

“Can you stop seducing our enemies?” Sailor Mars demanded her teammate, “We are meant to destroy them, not fuck them!”

Sailor Mercury uses her visor to zoom in on the figure, who she finds has a small nametag reading ‘R. Spanish’ on the front of his boiler suit. “Guys, his nametag says his name is R. Spanish.”

Sailor Uranus and Jupiter loudly gulp.

“Ricky Spanish.” Sailor Venus whispered in a spooky voice.

“Can you stop doing that?” Sailor Mars said through gritted teeth.

“No.” Sailor Venus then whispered.

“What is our plan of attack?” Sailor Neptune asked the long haired blonde, who simply shrugs. “Venus you are the leader!”

“I have an idea, I will distract him and lure him into the forest while you fine ass bitches prepare a trap for him.” Sailor Venus suggested.

“The forest is pretty huge and dense, you will probably get lost.” Sailor Jupiter commented.

“Then why don’t you come with me since you can talk to the trees, Pocahontas.” Sailor Venus replied.

“You can befriend that raccoon dog.” Sailor Uranus teased, however she notices that the rear window of her SUV has been smashed. “Who the fuck smashed my window?”

Sailor Jupiter nervously coughs into her hand, “I think it was Ricky Spanish.”

“That does it, you’re dead you butt ugly bastard!” Sailor Uranus charges ferociously towards Ricky Spanish, he swings his axe but she easily dodges it and counters by kicking the axe out of his hand.

“Dodged that bullet.” Sailor Jupiter muttered to herself in relief.

“Do you think we should help Uranus?” Sailor Mars asked Neptune.

“I think she has it covered.” The Senshi of the Sea gestures to her partner who has Ricky Spanish pinned to the ground.

“If Uranus can keep her anger under check then we should be able to handle him rather quickly.” Sailor Mars smirked.

However, Sailor Uranus rips the sack off Ricky Spanish’s head revealing his deformed face and she whacks him repeatedly across the face with the potato sack.

Sailor Jupiter slumps her shoulders, “You were saying.”

Ricky Spanish flips their positions and he now has Sailor Uranus pinned to the ground with one hand around her throat while the other searches the ground for his axe.

“We have to help her!” Sailor Neptune gasped and she rushes out of the cabin along with the other Senshi.

“On it!” Sailor Venus gallops down the hill, “Venus Love-Me Chain!” The Senshi of Love and Beauty summons a golden glowing chain which the links are shaped liked love hearts, the chain wraps around the handle of the axe just as Ricky Spanish grabs it.

“Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker!” Sailor Venus yanks the chain causing the axe to fly out of Ricky Spanish’s hand and into a tree; the deformed man dismounts Sailor Uranus and marches towards the long haired blonde.

“Sparling Wide Pressure!” Sailor Jupiter hurls a large disc formed of pure electrical energy at Ricky Spanish, launching him through the rear window of the SUV where he lands on a gym bag containing sports equipment.

Sailor Venus helps the taller blonde as she staggers to her feet, “What’s the matter Uranus, you look a bit…winded.”

“W-Wind puns, seriously?” Sailor Uranus panted.

Sailor Neptune, Mars and Mercury regroup with the others at the bottom of the hill unaware that Ricky Spanish has regained consciousness.

“That guy is ridiculously strong.” Sailor Uranus points to the red marks around her throat whereas Sailor Mercury slowly advances towards the rear window of the SUV.

The blue haired Senshi peeks into the window where Ricky Spanish is nowhere to be seen, “Guys, Ricky Spanish is gone!”

“That is fucking marvelous.” Sailor Mars sarcastically remarked.

“There he is!” Sailor Venus points to Ricky Spanish standing on the roof of the SUV and he is wearing a hockey mask he found in the gym bag.

Sailor Uranus clenches her fists, “Get off my car, you Mighty Duck fuck!”

Ricky Spanish retaliates by summoning a horde of tree-like creatures from the ground and the surrounding forest.

“Oh no, Spriggans!” Sailor Mercury shrieked.

“Relax Mercury, this is not Tamriel.” Sailor Uranus stated.

“Uranus I did not know that you play Elder Scrolls.” Sailor Mercury said amazed.

Sailor Uranus crosses her arms over her chest and smirks, “Are you kidding me? I am a level 81 Nord warrior.”

“That is pretty impressive; I am a level 252 Argonian mage.” Sailor Mercury added.

“Nice!” Sailor Uranus nods her head in approval. 

“Oi nerds!” Sailor Mars gains the two Senshis’ attention, “Can we focus on the army of trees!”

“Don’t worry guys I have plenty of experience with hardwood.” Sailor Venus winks at her fellow Senshi which causes Sailor Jupiter to grimace.

Sailor Neptune observes their opponents, “There are five of them and six of us…plus an incredibly powerful Jason Voorhees rip-off.”

“Exactly, we can’t fight these walking furniture and Ricky fucking Spanish at the same time!” Sailor Mars remarked.

“Perhaps the plant people can be reasoned with.” Sailor Venus then turns to Sailor Jupiter, “Jupiter you have an understanding with nature and all that blah blah blah, can you…talk to them?”

Sailor Jupiter nervously rubs her arm and shrugs, “I don’t know, but I suppose I could try.” The tall brunette approaches who she suspects is the leader and she clears her throat before speaking, “Uh hi, nice weather we are having.”

Sailor Mars drops her forehead into the palm of her hand in exasperation.

“Uh…bah weep gragnah wheep nini bong.” Sailor Jupiter grins sheepishly.

The tree-like creatures all glance at one another in confusion, “Bah weep gragnah wheep nini bong?”

Their leader nods before holding its arms out in greeting, “Bah weep gragnah wheep nini bong!”

“That…actually worked?” Sailor Neptune said mystified.

Sailor Jupiter also holds out her arms to hug the creature; however she is abruptly slapped across the face by the leader, Jupiter spits out a drop of blood and she rubs her cheek which now has a red hand mark plastered on it. “Cheap shot!”

“So much for the universal greeting.” Sailor Uranus said dryly.

Sailor Jupiter lunges toward the leader of the creatures but Sailor Mars and Mercury swiftly hold her back.

“Cool your jets Tarzan!” Sailor Mars barked.

“You are one to talk Mars.” Sailor Mercury commented.

“Mercury!” Sailor Mars said feeling offended.

“I am only stating the facts.” Sailor Mercury pointed out.

“While Mars and Mercury are preoccupied with Pocahontas, I will distract Casey Jones over there.” Sailor Venus gestures to Ricky Spanish who is still standing on the roof of the SUV.

“Are you sure that is a good idea?” Sailor Neptune questioned.

“Yoo-hoo, Mr Spanish!” Sailor Venus called out.

Sailor Neptune sighs whereas Ricky Spanish gawks at the long haired blonde who is doing a variety of seducing poses, “I will be the victim!”

“All your life.” Sailor Mars grumbled.

Ricky Spanish hops off the SUV to pursue Sailor Venus who is prancing into the forest, “CHASE ME! CHASE ME!”

“Is she going to be alright?” Sailor Neptune asked.

“It is Ricky Spanish who I am worried about.” Sailor Uranus chuckled.

“Guys, what should we do about them?” Sailor Mercury points to the tree-like creatures that are staring at them with sinister faces.

“Groot and his buddies look pissed.” Sailor Uranus commented.

“So what should we do?” Sailor Jupiter said in frustration.

“I don’t know, perhaps you could try painting with the colours of the wind.” Sailor Uranus teased.

Sailor Jupiter lowers her brow, “Will you stop with the Pocahontas jokes?”

The leader of the tree-like creatures creates a log covered in moss and it fires it unbeknownst straight at Sailor Uranus which sends her crashing onto the hood of the SUV which causes the car’s alarm to go off and its headlights to flash repeatedly.

“Uranus!” Sailor Neptune sprints towards her partner however one of the tree creatures grabs her by the arm from behind, “Get off of me!” The aquanette shouted melodramatically as she shrugs out of its grip which encourages the creature to put its hands up in surrender whilst it slowly backs off, another tree creature glares at Sailor Neptune and it opens a hole in its trunk where there are multiple red glowing eyes which are revealed to be chipmunks and they leap out and attack her.

“GET THESE THINGS OFF OF ME!” Neptune yelled as she rolls on the ground prompting Sailor Mercury to dash to her aid.

“Out of the way geek!” A tree creature shoves Mercury to the side causing her to fall into a nearby bush and the creature unleashes a swarm of bees on her.

“These shrubberies sure do like to fight dirty!” Sailor Mercury said whilst swatting away the bees.

Sailor Mars sighs, “How about instead of charging directly at our opponent we actually attack them?”

“On it!” Sailor Jupiter cracks her knuckles and her Thunder and Lightning Antenna extends from her tiara, “Supreme-“

A vine of algae suddenly wraps around Jupiter’s waist, “Motherfucker!”

“Covered with amphibians! Covered with amphibians!” A female tree creature chanted in a menacing voice which summons an army of frogs to hop onto the tall brunette.

“No! Covered with amphibians! GET THEM OFF ME!” Sailor Jupiter exclaimed in a frightened manner, the female creature then yanks the vine causing Jupiter to fall to the ground where the creature mounts her and rubs frogspawn in her face.

“Flame!” Sailor Mars creates a fiery bow and arrow that she aims at the tree creature mounting Jupiter, however one of the tree-like creatures commands a flock of owls to peck her and use their talons to scratch her.

Meanwhile Sailor Uranus regains consciousness and she slides off the hood of the SUV before she notices her fellow Senshi being attacked by the wildlife, “Time to chop some wood.” Uranus manifests her Space Sword when she perceives a reddish-brown insect flying past her, “Was that a cicada?”

“One hundred points to Gryffindor!” Sailor Mercury declared.

“A few hours ago you didn’t know what a cicada was!” Sailor Mars pointed out.

“I googled it when we arrived back at the cabin.” Sailor Uranus shrugged and she gallops towards the tree creature that is controlling the swarm of bees, “Fuck you Sudowoodo!” The sandy haired blonde slashes the creature’s arm off which causes it to sob and flee into the forest, Uranus then offers Mercury a hand out of the bush and they go to assist their teammates.

* * *

 

“Catch the Senshi and you win a prize!” Sailor Venus cheered whilst she is still prancing in the forest with Ricky Spanish hot on her trail, Venus takes cover behind a tree and she pulls back a branch that she then holds in place as Ricky Spanish sluggishly advances towards her, “Warmer!”

The masked man approaches the tree prompting Venus to whack him with the branch and it causes him to fall to the ground, the long haired blonde gives him a cheeky wink before sprinting off.

* * *

 

“Deep Submerge!” Sailor Neptune sends a ball of blue energy shaped like the planet Neptune towards the tree-like creature that is commanding the chipmunks which drenches her opponent and the chipmunks scurry back into the forest.

“I’M MELTING! I’M MELTING!” The creature yelled as it dissolves into a puddle of goo.

Sailor Neptune observes Mars being ravaged by the flock of owls, “Mars ignore the owls, it is using them to distract you. Concentrate on the monster.”

Sailor Mars nods and pulls out an ofuda and throws it onto the tree creature which freezes it in place and the owls fly off, “Flame!” Mars again creates a fiery bow and arrow.

“Crescent Beam!” Sailor Venus shoots a beam of light from her index finger at Mars’ target which causes the creature to explode.

“VENUS THAT WAS MY TARGET YOU BIMBO!” Sailor Mars shouted in infuriation.

“You’re welcome!” Sailor Venus replied sarcastically.

Sailor Uranus and Mercury on the other hand are wrestling the algae covered creature off of Jupiter, the tall brunette rolls from under the creature and onto her feet, "Guys stand back!”

Sailor Mercury lets go of the creature whereas Uranus shoves it to the ground.

Sailor Jupiter extends the antenna from her tiara, “Jupiter Oak Evolution!” Jupiter spins around and fires a barrage of leaf-shaped blasts of electrical energy at the creature; however one of the blasts punctures one of the SUV’s tires. “Shit.”

Sailor Mars dashes towards the trio ahead of Neptune, Venus and Mercury but Ricky Spanish unexpectedly emerges from a bush and he uppercuts Mars which sends her crashing into a tree causing her to get buried under some fallen branches.

“Sailor Mars! NOOOOO!” Sailor Venus called out theatrically.

The Senshi rush to Mars’ aid, however the leader of the tree creatures motions his arms up to summon vines from the ground that trap and constrict the Senshi.

“For fuck sake!” Sailor Jupiter groaned.

“Uranus, when you said we should go to your father’s cabin for some BDSM, THIS IS NOT WHAT I HAD IN MIND!” Sailor Neptune snapped.

“I do apologize love, but how was I supposed to know that we would get attacked by some butt fuck ugly hillbilly!” Sailor Uranus replied firmly.

Sailor Venus groans in arousal, “A little tighter please, Mr Spanish.” Venus asked seductively.

“Don’t egg him on!” Sailor Jupiter barked.

“We would not be in this predicament if I brought my machete.” Sailor Mercury mentioned.

“WHAT?” Uranus, Neptune and Jupiter said in unison.

Venus continues to enjoy the bondage until she notices Sailor Mars’ hand sticking out from under the branches, “Oh my Serenity, Sailor Mars is dead! NOW WHO AM I GOING TO EXPERIMENT WITH IN COLLEGE?”

“Excuse me?” Jupiter said confused.

“I feel some powerful energy coming from Sailor Mars’ location.” Sailor Mercury pointed out.

The Senshi gaze towards the pile of branches that are now glowing red and emitting steam persuading the tree creature to approach it and investigate, however when the creature gets too close to the pile of branches it erupts in a fiery blast that incinerates the creature causing the vines to release the other Senshi. An enraged Sailor Mars slowly emerges from the rubble, heavily breathing and she is releasing intense flames and steam from her body.

“She is going savage.” Mercury warned.

“Holy shit snacks!” Jupiter said shocked.

“Give it to him baby!” Venus said in an alluring voice.

“He is all yours Mars.” Neptune smirked.

“FINISH HIM!” Uranus yelled in a menacing voice.

“MARS SNAKE FIRE!” Sailor Mars creates a snake made of fire and she unleashes it on Ricky Spanish which completely engulfs him in flame.

“ARGH, MY NIPPLES! THEY BURN!” Ricky Spanish yelled in pain as he slowly incinerates into ashes that then disappear.

Sailor Uranus slowly pumps her fist, “Brutality!”

Sailor Mars reverts back into her normal state where she congratulated by her fellow Senshi, “I had to let off some steam.”

“Yeah quite literally.” Sailor Mercury stated.

Sailor Jupiter playfully punches the Fire Senshi in the arm, “That was totally badass Mars, I didn’t know you could do that!”

“Neither did I.” Mars shrugged.

“Is it possible that we have gained new powers?” Sailor Neptune said curiously.

Sailor Uranus squeezes Mars in a hug, “Way to go Mars, you beautiful arsonist!”

“MARS, GIVE ME SOME SUGAR!” Sailor Venus skips towards Sailor Mars with open arms.

“Fuck.” Mars sprints off with Venus in pursuit.

* * *

 

The next morning, Haruka is driving the group home in the battered SUV which has a smashed rear window, multiple dents on the roof and the hood has a massive dent along with a few tree branches sticking out.

“Good thing I had a spare tire in the trunk or we would have been fucked.” Haruka mentioned.

Makoto nervously slouches down her seat.

“Psst! Mako?” Ami whispered from behind the backseat.

Makoto peeks behind her seat to find Ami holding up a large sandwich bag filled with weed, the tall brunette replies by giving the shorter woman two thumbs up and a cheesy grin.

“Worst. Vacation. Ever!” Rei stated with her arms crossed.

“Actually it was not that bad; I thought it was a good team bonding exercise.” Michiru commented.

“Also I got a souvenir!” Minako holds out Ricky Spanish’s hockey mask.

“That thing stinks!” Makoto said in disgust.

Rei grabs the mask and flings it out of the window which smashes when it hits a female Sika deer as it grazes.

“It is great to be back as a Sailor Senshi!” Makoto lounges back in her seat.

“By the way Mako, I know it was you who fucked up the SUV.” Haruka pointed out.

Makoto slouches back down in her seat, “Shit.”


End file.
